October Update

Not sure if I can call this an October Update when I’m posting it on the last day of October, but I’m going to anyway.

Unfortunately, This month’s plan to post everyday went out the window. As I switched jobs my schedule ended up a little more chaotic than anticipated. This is the first week that I’ve been given a schedule my boss thinks my be my official one – I’m going to be the opener. Downside, I’ve got to wake up at 4am for work, but on the bright side I have the ability to have a social life which is not something I had much of at the old job because of conflicting hours with my friends. I’m still getting use to a new sleep schedule, and so I’m more tired than anything – but that’s beside the point.

Starting tomorrow is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month. I’m not going to be writing a novel so much as another collection of poems, or two. I hope to finish an Epic I started as a Divine Poetry challenge back in 2015. Three of the six parts are finished, although they need editing, and two of those three are posted here. I might be redefining what makes a ‘part’ of the epic or adding extra parts – the challenge originally called for only six. I won’t be posting the epic here though! Even if I get it all written I don’t want it out and about without editing, plus I plan to make it very long. Right now the three parts are at a word count of almost two thousand. Moth-Like. came to a word count of 9,399 overall without the afterword. I plan for Destiny to be a novel length poem. I also have had on the back burner another novel length poem called Astera that’s been sitting at 1,500 for the last five years… and that’s just the tip of it, the introduction, you could say. But I won’t be looking at Astera for another year or two, sadly.

This coming month I will be posting though! I’m going to be doing three different writing sessions a day – but posting only one. I’ll be working on the epic (if it can be called that), Destiny, as well as writing two stand alone poems of which I’ll choose to post one. It seems like a lot, but I have a lot of fragments for writing laying around and work has finally calmed down some. Plus, late March 2018 I’m moving across country and I want to publish one more book by then. I’ve three different possible book themes drawn up and I need to start making them more solid so that’s part of my NaNo.

I look forward to seeing all of you again and the things I will create! I hope you enjoy the coming month!

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Daily Card Pull – The Wheel, reversed – ‘Bitter Bones’

So this was yesterdays card – I wrote it between jobs but didn’t post it because by the time I finished my final day at the night job I was feeling a little dead. The card I pulled was The Wheel of Fortune in reverse which is a card signifying bad luck and misfortune. Sure enough, it was a tough day despite little joys. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get today’s and tomorrows out. For now I’d best head to sleep for I begin work at 5am.

 

‘Bitter Bones’

Today could’ve been a good day
Like no other, sprinkled with little blessings
Little joys found like leaving a job
I couldn’t stand anymore,
Being praised and seeing old friends,
Treating myself to coffee.

It all went so smooth, so well, yet
Lingering it all hurt. I woke up with the hurt,
A rotting somewhere around the knees and ankles.
The ache in my bones bluntly reminding me
Not all my days will be lived equally.
It was a sweet day with a bitter aftertaste.

I wanted to live it all fully, gleefully, but
All those simple little things were tainted by
My inability to focus, to busy trying to not fail
At everything I attempted, such as laughing
At a joke instead of wincing, and complaining
How today was a bit rougher than I wished.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 4 of Cups – ‘Tea Apathy’

It’s been a day. A very, very chaotic day – neither good nor bad, just.. busy. Today’s card of the day was the 4 of Cups, a card warning against apathy, disconnectedness, and contemplating too much on things – an accurate warning for me today.

 

‘Tea Apathy’

Busted knuckles match the pink and red
Flowers floating on the china of my cup-
A nice honeyed cup of lavender and Earl Grey
For when my days become a little too fucked up.

It’s a nice cup, solid but never stays hot enough.
I always forget it to the point of near cold, lukewarm,
With a bitter aftertaste because I left the leaves in to burn,
Again, I left the to burn while I lost myself in another brainstorm.

Look at this cup, arching handle to meet my hand,
Blushes of flowers, stems, and leaves – a life of peace.
I’m going to make it empty, look at me as I make it empty.
Heartbeat to heartbreak, swallowing to smothering.
Watch the time lapse between the tea cooling and souring and me
Sitting apathetic to what’s inside or out, far-eyed and wondering.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – The Devil – ‘Hungry Devil’

Today’s card pull was The Devil, a card symbolizing materialism, excess, being chained, but also playfulness. Today after closing at work my housemate and sister went to the store to pick up originally just band-aids (because I’m clumsy), yet I came home with more than just band-aids…

 

‘Hungry Devil’

Hungry Devil, such a hungry devil
I’ve come to be – every paycheck is spent
Twice a month prowling all of them, everywhere,
From the convenient Mom&Pops shoppes
To the super centers without windows.
I stalk between their aisles picking up this
And also that – setting most back
Half-haphazardly.
I’m determined to find
What newest flavor, newest treat
My mind and stomach so desire.
The more items I toss into the cart
The more my wallet lightens and cries, but
I, the Hungry Devil, am eyeing my next prize.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 10 of Wands – ‘Keeping On’

Today’s card was the 10 of Wands, a card representing responsibility, accomplishment, and also burdens. Funny enough, I actually worked myself sick at my morning job and ended up missing my night job.

 

‘Keeping On’

I’ve got to keep on keeping on
In this long lasting, never ending summer heat.
I’m just trying to keep on keeping on
Determined to keep standing my own two feet.

I’ve got hours to go, work to do, more work to do,
Money to compete for, money to save, money to lose.
I’ve numb arms, numb hands, head fog, the blues-
It’s just another day and I’ve got to keep on,
Keep on going, going, going because I’ve got
Everything and nothing left to lose.
Sweet ambition and sweet addition-
I want to keep on keeping on doing
What they tell me I gotta do to succeed.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 7 of Wands, reversed – ‘Wordless’

I’m back! Kinda. I got caught up with life – been working two full time jobs back to back. Next Monday, October 9th, should be the last day at my old job. I’m super excited to have free time again.

I wasn’t sure what to do for this month, but I miss writing. I figured I’d post poems that are based on what tarot card I pull for the day. Today’s was the 7 of Wands in the reverse position. It’s a card about feeling overwhelmed, with your confidence destroyed, and ready  to give up – a great way to start this month (three days late).

‘Wordless’

I’ve got that boredom that curiosity breeds.
Tired of all this thinking and sitting emptily
Day in and day out, depressed because I wonder-
But I don’t wonder enough to do anything with it.

So I sit here. I’m at work, but I’m not at work.
I go home to work some more on scraps of somethings.
I work all day, but I don’t work at all. I can’t quite focus
With my mind being blank and heavy, all these paralyzed thoughts.

I’m curious and also dreadful of everything like
How come it feels I’m sleeping too much and too little
At the same time, every day a contradiction and exhausting.
I read a book for some two-three sentences,

And pause for two days to think about other things-
Little things, like, how does one pronounce
‘Depression’ without opening their mouth the slightest,
Or if you can communicate to someone the impact
They had in mindlessly existing with you in some single moment.

All of this, can I say all of this without, somehow,
Actually having to interact with them outside all those
Empty and make-believe conversations in my head?
I’m merely bored and curious of time and the way it seems
To take months for me to feel like I’ve lived a day.

 

 

 If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.