NaNoWriMo – ‘Bakeneko’

Today was a little stressful at work so I’m heading over to a friends house to play a pathfinder campaign. I’ve got the weekend off so with the help of caffeine I’m going to be writing late tonight when I get back.
The poem from today was inspired by one of my favorite Japanese folklore. It was also the poem I wrote yesterday and couldn’t decided if I wanted to post it. I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘Bakeneko’

She will not eat with me.
Every evening I slave alone under her gaze,
Casual comments, gentle jokes of life stretching
Between us and the various kitchen appliances.
Sometimes she’ll dance around the kitchen
Little radio playing as we dodge one another,
Laughter as she’s dances around the topic.
I know she knows. I am hesitant while she is vague.
I do all I can to keep her, bidding my time, and yet
She never stays. She will not eat with me.

She will not eat with me.
I prepare the meals, the grocery trip
Is the closest I see her to the food,
Personally. She tags along behind me
Slinking from aisle to aisle, pointing out
The frozen pizzas, the chicken nuggets,
Rows of instant noodles of fifteen flavors.
She distracts me in an attempt to crawl
Into the cart, like a large playful kitten,
But I think I know the truth.

I only have the bedroom door closing
With it’s excuses, the newest season of
A beloved series, things to read while
She eats. But all I hear beyond the door
Is silence, not a clashing or clinking of dishes,
Though the plate she brings back is always clean.
We’ve known eachother seven years,
They warned me she would eventually change.
She cannot eat with me, and I love her
At least I think, I hope, I still do.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

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NaNoWriMo – ‘Mort Per Annum’

I got a little over a thousand words today, not bad considering I was out and about and not at all focused. I was pleasantly surprised with my writing for my stand alone poems, but slacked today on the epic. It was hard to choose which one to post, and in fact I may post one of the other poems I wrote tomorrow because I enjoyed it so much. The finished poems I’ve got are all rather dark in nature, but I hope you enjoy them regardless. Hopefully, I’ll get it out of my system and write some more lighthearted pieces as I go on. I had a hell of a time naming this one, so I did something a little different..

 

‘Mort Per Annum’

It’s about that time of year
When I find myself standing in front of the mirror
With my fingers, my thoughts too muddled
At the still dark and bruised morning,
Only four a.m., it always begins at three or four a.m. –

Fighting my hair which I left uncut for too long
Trying to tie it back, pin it back, make it get along.
A brief walk is all I need, but first I’ve got to fight truth
In the knots I pull out of my hair and the knots
I tie into my heavy graveyard boots.

Get to work, try to work while I can,
Every minute is wasted trying to do the little things
Before it all catches up to me, that thing with the
The lack of sleep, or nothing but sleep,
A semi-constant sticky seeping darkness

That lingers at the back of my throat,
Or sits awkward in my chest on the heart
For most of the year, ready and waiting,
It tastes not unlike fear, but sweeter
In its sickness – I’ve got to get ready to die.

I’ve got to be more ready than anything
For the next three months or four months.
I only get to be living for just a quarter
Of every year. What would you call me?
What could you call me?

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – Purple My Spaded Heart

Today’s NaNo went really well! I managed 1,710 words today – most of which was spent on the epic poem. I ended up writing 3 separate stand alone poems and figured this was the best of the lot. I’ve been going through old fragments I wrote down back in August to jump off of. I didn’t realize how many little pieces I’ve accumulated. I’m pretty sure I have enough to write with for the entire month. To give my hands a break I’ve also began drawing possible covers for the next collection I’m going to publish. Included above is the rough design for Roses. It’s a Cecile Brunner, a very beautiful climbing rose that the first section will be named after.

As for the explanation behind the poem for today. Last week was Asexuality awareness week, and a while back I began to make an odd list of things I’ve been called when people tried to explain asexuality away or allude to the fact that I’m a bit more queer than they’d like. I also had fun and made one or two of my own. It reminds my of the code words the media use to use when trying to avoid saying a character is gay. It can get a little ridiculous.

 

‘Purple My Spaded Heart’

We can’t just say things straight
So let me tell you what they say
About all the regrettable people like me:

I’m someone who’s forever uncertain,
Sleeps and dreams alone, every night
In my own bed, never adventurous enough
To test the covers of another’s.

I’m cold, though kind, and a distant look
Is always somewhere in my mind,
So queer, because they could swear I dream
But never of what the future must bring.

And I like neither the sunrise or the sunset,
Not a rose and chocolate person, no candles
On the dinner table, only one cup instead of two
For my morning coffee and tea with its minimal sugar.

There’s no roses in my rose garden,
No secret nooks to hide away into and love more
Naturally. It’s a shame, an unfortunate shame-
A pretty face, a handsome body, all willfully wasted.

I’ve got a purple spaded heart,
And I take no company. It’s lonely.
It must be. I know. I’ve been told so,
But maybe I just haven’t found the one.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

October Update

Not sure if I can call this an October Update when I’m posting it on the last day of October, but I’m going to anyway.

Unfortunately, This month’s plan to post everyday went out the window. As I switched jobs my schedule ended up a little more chaotic than anticipated. This is the first week that I’ve been given a schedule my boss thinks my be my official one – I’m going to be the opener. Downside, I’ve got to wake up at 4am for work, but on the bright side I have the ability to have a social life which is not something I had much of at the old job because of conflicting hours with my friends. I’m still getting use to a new sleep schedule, and so I’m more tired than anything – but that’s beside the point.

Starting tomorrow is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month. I’m not going to be writing a novel so much as another collection of poems, or two. I hope to finish an Epic I started as a Divine Poetry challenge back in 2015. Three of the six parts are finished, although they need editing, and two of those three are posted here. I might be redefining what makes a ‘part’ of the epic or adding extra parts – the challenge originally called for only six. I won’t be posting the epic here though! Even if I get it all written I don’t want it out and about without editing, plus I plan to make it very long. Right now the three parts are at a word count of almost two thousand. Moth-Like. came to a word count of 9,399 overall without the afterword. I plan for Destiny to be a novel length poem. I also have had on the back burner another novel length poem called Astera that’s been sitting at 1,500 for the last five years… and that’s just the tip of it, the introduction, you could say. But I won’t be looking at Astera for another year or two, sadly.

This coming month I will be posting though! I’m going to be doing three different writing sessions a day – but posting only one. I’ll be working on the epic (if it can be called that), Destiny, as well as writing two stand alone poems of which I’ll choose to post one. It seems like a lot, but I have a lot of fragments for writing laying around and work has finally calmed down some. Plus, late March 2018 I’m moving across country and I want to publish one more book by then. I’ve three different possible book themes drawn up and I need to start making them more solid so that’s part of my NaNo.

I look forward to seeing all of you again and the things I will create! I hope you enjoy the coming month!

Daily Card Pull – The Wheel, reversed – ‘Bitter Bones’

So this was yesterdays card – I wrote it between jobs but didn’t post it because by the time I finished my final day at the night job I was feeling a little dead. The card I pulled was The Wheel of Fortune in reverse which is a card signifying bad luck and misfortune. Sure enough, it was a tough day despite little joys. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get today’s and tomorrows out. For now I’d best head to sleep for I begin work at 5am.

 

‘Bitter Bones’

Today could’ve been a good day
Like no other, sprinkled with little blessings
Little joys found like leaving a job
I couldn’t stand anymore,
Being praised and seeing old friends,
Treating myself to coffee.

It all went so smooth, so well, yet
Lingering it all hurt. I woke up with the hurt,
A rotting somewhere around the knees and ankles.
The ache in my bones bluntly reminding me
Not all my days will be lived equally.
It was a sweet day with a bitter aftertaste.

I wanted to live it all fully, gleefully, but
All those simple little things were tainted by
My inability to focus, to busy trying to not fail
At everything I attempted, such as laughing
At a joke instead of wincing, and complaining
How today was a bit rougher than I wished.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 4 of Cups – ‘Tea Apathy’

It’s been a day. A very, very chaotic day – neither good nor bad, just.. busy. Today’s card of the day was the 4 of Cups, a card warning against apathy, disconnectedness, and contemplating too much on things – an accurate warning for me today.

 

‘Tea Apathy’

Busted knuckles match the pink and red
Flowers floating on the china of my cup-
A nice honeyed cup of lavender and Earl Grey
For when my days become a little too fucked up.

It’s a nice cup, solid but never stays hot enough.
I always forget it to the point of near cold, lukewarm,
With a bitter aftertaste because I left the leaves in to burn,
Again, I left the to burn while I lost myself in another brainstorm.

Look at this cup, arching handle to meet my hand,
Blushes of flowers, stems, and leaves – a life of peace.
I’m going to make it empty, look at me as I make it empty.
Heartbeat to heartbreak, swallowing to smothering.
Watch the time lapse between the tea cooling and souring and me
Sitting apathetic to what’s inside or out, far-eyed and wondering.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – The Devil – ‘Hungry Devil’

Today’s card pull was The Devil, a card symbolizing materialism, excess, being chained, but also playfulness. Today after closing at work my housemate and sister went to the store to pick up originally just band-aids (because I’m clumsy), yet I came home with more than just band-aids…

 

‘Hungry Devil’

Hungry Devil, such a hungry devil
I’ve come to be – every paycheck is spent
Twice a month prowling all of them, everywhere,
From the convenient Mom&Pops shoppes
To the super centers without windows.
I stalk between their aisles picking up this
And also that – setting most back
Half-haphazardly.
I’m determined to find
What newest flavor, newest treat
My mind and stomach so desire.
The more items I toss into the cart
The more my wallet lightens and cries, but
I, the Hungry Devil, am eyeing my next prize.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 10 of Wands – ‘Keeping On’

Today’s card was the 10 of Wands, a card representing responsibility, accomplishment, and also burdens. Funny enough, I actually worked myself sick at my morning job and ended up missing my night job.

 

‘Keeping On’

I’ve got to keep on keeping on
In this long lasting, never ending summer heat.
I’m just trying to keep on keeping on
Determined to keep standing my own two feet.

I’ve got hours to go, work to do, more work to do,
Money to compete for, money to save, money to lose.
I’ve numb arms, numb hands, head fog, the blues-
It’s just another day and I’ve got to keep on,
Keep on going, going, going because I’ve got
Everything and nothing left to lose.
Sweet ambition and sweet addition-
I want to keep on keeping on doing
What they tell me I gotta do to succeed.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 7 of Wands, reversed – ‘Wordless’

I’m back! Kinda. I got caught up with life – been working two full time jobs back to back. Next Monday, October 9th, should be the last day at my old job. I’m super excited to have free time again.

I wasn’t sure what to do for this month, but I miss writing. I figured I’d post poems that are based on what tarot card I pull for the day. Today’s was the 7 of Wands in the reverse position. It’s a card about feeling overwhelmed, with your confidence destroyed, and ready  to give up – a great way to start this month (three days late).

‘Wordless’

I’ve got that boredom that curiosity breeds.
Tired of all this thinking and sitting emptily
Day in and day out, depressed because I wonder-
But I don’t wonder enough to do anything with it.

So I sit here. I’m at work, but I’m not at work.
I go home to work some more on scraps of somethings.
I work all day, but I don’t work at all. I can’t quite focus
With my mind being blank and heavy, all these paralyzed thoughts.

I’m curious and also dreadful of everything like
How come it feels I’m sleeping too much and too little
At the same time, every day a contradiction and exhausting.
I read a book for some two-three sentences,

And pause for two days to think about other things-
Little things, like, how does one pronounce
‘Depression’ without opening their mouth the slightest,
Or if you can communicate to someone the impact
They had in mindlessly existing with you in some single moment.

All of this, can I say all of this without, somehow,
Actually having to interact with them outside all those
Empty and make-believe conversations in my head?
I’m merely bored and curious of time and the way it seems
To take months for me to feel like I’ve lived a day.

 

 

 If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

 

Word of the Day – Depredate – ‘Noon Time Sun’

Today’s word of the day is depredate, a verb signifying to lay waste, plunder, or ravage. It’s been a very interesting and trying summer. I hope everyone else’s was much calmer and relaxing.

‘Noon Time Sun’

I know a woman who loves with spite-
Immoral all the decisions she does not make,
Hateful all the people she does not love.

She’s the noon time sun, and she’ll depredate
Everything left out under her eyes, her eyes which
Will blind you if you ever try to meet her head on.

It’s been a hellish summer like every other,
But this time it’s also something different, something
Inane that’s begun to drive me mad with regret.

I know a woman who takes no criticism,
But agrees she can be petty after she slams
All the doors leading in and within our little apartment.

Everything bakes beneath her flares of rage – it’s petty,
Yes. she knows it’s petty, all those rages from the cup on the counter
Left out by herself, but she forgot so it’s mine, always mine, again.

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.