NaNoWriMo – ‘All In Time’

It’s been a productive and good day, surprisingly – it wasn’t as productive as I’d like and I woke up with a migraine – but at least I got caught up on sleep. I ended up having a three day weekend at the cost of having only one day off next week. I’m also many thousand behind on word count for NaNoWriMo, but I don’t mine. I did a count and I’ve got almost 40 stand alone pieces written this month! Sadly, I haven’t been making much progress with the epic.

Today’s poem is a little lighter than usual! I hope you all enjoy!


‘All In Time’

Listen to me, I know you’re scared
Of the future and what terrible things
It holds for us, us and our unlucky lives-
But look me in the eyes, now, look at me.

My dear, it will be okay, I will be there.
The chickens may be coming home to roost
While we take off across this country,
But together we will suffer, together, unlucky.

It’s pandemonium, I know, the planning, our attempt
At planning for the unforeseen unavoidable future.
We’ve lived and will live to see worse things, Love,
The boxes are already piled at the door.

I’m ready, my Dear, I’m ready to leave
And make a new home in hell with you.
I know and understand your worries, and true,
It will be hard, it won’t be just us two.

We’ll roost, all of us, a little patchwork quilt
Of conflicting, damaged pasts and lives.
A little chaotic, off-centered family to try and forget
The blood made ones and their brash lies.

Come here, or I will come there, in time, in time.
Listen to me, it will be just fine all in time, I will
Work together with you to make your home mine.
All our little messes will come together, it’ll be alright.


If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.


NaNoWriMo – ‘Envy’

I wanted to write more today, but work was exhausting. Luckily, I’ve got a three day weekend – at the cost of a single day off next week. We’ve got to prepare for the holidays at work and next week is when things start to really pick up. I’m going to try and catch up with my writing over the next three days. I’m roughly 10,000 words behind – though 50,000 isn’t my true goal, it is a nice number to aim for.

Today’s poem is.. fun. Personally, it’s hard to recognize when I’m envious. I always just end up thinking I dislike a person and not figuring out why until much later. I’m glad I can catch it – because I know it’s not something essential to whomever I’m envious of, I don’t enjoy disliking people for no good reason.



You’re everything I want to be-
I’m growing envy, green envy, thorns
On a rose bush of admiration warding me
Away. I’ve only to see you to feel nervousness,
Dark and meek, depression rooting in.
I’m lacking in everything I promised myself
When I dreamed of what I’d grow to be,
Yet haven’t, I haven’t even come close.

I’m a disappointment, I see it, you see it-
So talk all harsh and cruel to me, show me
What an endless disappointment I am
At all these attempts I make to play pretend.
I’m strong and helpless, looking shallowly
For anyone’s sweet attention to spend.
Hate me and let me know it,
Make me face the facts that I bend.

I’m tired, and you’re bored of it.
Envy, it’s envy that makes me this way
How subtly in control of everything you know
You want and accept you want, while I juggle
These groundless and inconsistent feelings.
You’re better for your ability to admit and own up
To the thing that is my shameless, secret sin-
My indecent willingness to play pretend.



If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Lost As A Moth’

Writing was a little difficult today, but I’m tired of only making progress every other day. I have been a little under the weather recently, but I think I can work through it. It’ll help that I have the weekend off (to my knowledge), so I can get some rest.

Anyway, onward to today’s poem. This one was originally sitting around in fragments for the last few months and I finally pieced something together. I hope you all enjoy!

‘I Am Lost as A Moth’

At some point, at least once a month
I am as lost as a moth looking for the moon.
I will end up on my bedroom floor staring
At my bedroom ceiling reciting and practicing
All the words which will never leave my throat.

What the hell am I doing, I will ask
Myself and yet no one in particular, because
I know absolutely but my incompetence in basic
Living as a functional human being, so let me-

So let me sit like the moths do at midnight
On the wall trapped inside a house with bright lights
That I thought all too soon must have been something
Resembling the moon – Let my heart and wings flutter.

Let me stutter to the beat of my dusty, battered wings –
I’m full of life, I’m so terribly full of life and it feels
Incomprehensible not being able to do or know what to do
Except fling myself into fire in an attempt of deliverance.



If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Two Steps Backwards’

I’m so sorry, I skipped another day. I’ve been getting migraines off and on these last few months and it’s been very exhausting. Today’s wasn’t so bad, and after work and a quick nap I was able to write quite a bit. I’m still very behind on my word count, but at this point I don’t mind. I just want to finish all the fragments of poems I’ve got sitting around before it’s 2018.
Anyway, onward today’s poem. I know I said I was going to try to pull out some more upbeat stuff, but well, that’s easier said than done. I hope you all enjoy this one regardless!


‘Two Steps Backwards’

I know all too well who I am,
What I look like, how I dress,
My favorite foods, my limitlessness-
That I’ve limited in the name of names.

I’ve got it all down to a schedule,
A time and place I’ve got to be
To be me – what I need to do to meet
My quota to be self-knowing.

Shy, Angry, and fundamentally Organized –
I am driven to not look people in the eyes
Not even myself in the bathroom mirror-
Let the steam fog up so I don’t have to see.

Discordant. Disturbed. Dissociated.
I need to put it in place, any place
Inside of me where it can’t be seen.
I know all too well who I am.

I know also who and what I want to be,
And in the act of self-care I decided
To ignore self-love and chose instead to love
The limited limitlessness I’ve created for me.


If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Laundry Day’

Whoops! Looks like I forgot to hit post on this one yesterday – So sorry about that! I’m afraid not much writing got done these last few days, as I’ve been plagued by headaches.

‘Laundry Day’

If I could just
Strip myself of this mentality
And let it fall like well worn cloths
Straight onto my bedroom floor.
I’d pick it up two days later
To throw it in the wash,
And after the cycle is well and done
I’d hang it out back on the cheap nylon rope
Strung taut between two lazy trees-
It needs some of that fresh, cold breeze.
I’d let it hang there for hours or days
Until I remember most likely too late
To bring it in and tuck it comfortably
In the back forgotten corner of my closet.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘The Day Of Quiet’

Woke up late and had a killer headache most of today. Didn’t write much, sadly.
As a introductory note: the other day I had a really weird day at work.



‘The Day Of Quiet’

It’s a quiet day, too quiet
With all these people everywhere
Getting their coffee and baked goods.
It’s early morning work time rush
Yet no one is rushing with their usual chatter.
The gas at the pump is full and busy
But they’re all slowly repeating the same
Mundane task with indifference and silence.
It’s October, but it’s not that cold,
But the bodies lining up at the register
Are not anything I could call warm.
They give half smiles that look too worn, and
I’m beginning to think that no matter how much icing
I’ve smudged on my apron or sugar I’ve poured
In my coffee and tea will make this day sweet.
We all seem to need something more subtle
Than sugar or sleep.



If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Bakeneko’

Today was a little stressful at work so I’m heading over to a friends house to play a pathfinder campaign. I’ve got the weekend off so with the help of caffeine I’m going to be writing late tonight when I get back.
The poem from today was inspired by one of my favorite Japanese folklore. It was also the poem I wrote yesterday and couldn’t decided if I wanted to post it. I hope you all enjoy!



She will not eat with me.
Every evening I slave alone under her gaze,
Casual comments, gentle jokes of life stretching
Between us and the various kitchen appliances.
Sometimes she’ll dance around the kitchen
Little radio playing as we dodge one another,
Laughter as she’s dances around the topic.
I know she knows. I am hesitant while she is vague.
I do all I can to keep her, bidding my time, and yet
She never stays. She will not eat with me.

She will not eat with me.
I prepare the meals, the grocery trip
Is the closest I see her to the food,
Personally. She tags along behind me
Slinking from aisle to aisle, pointing out
The frozen pizzas, the chicken nuggets,
Rows of instant noodles of fifteen flavors.
She distracts me in an attempt to crawl
Into the cart, like a large playful kitten,
But I think I know the truth.

I only have the bedroom door closing
With it’s excuses, the newest season of
A beloved series, things to read while
She eats. But all I hear beyond the door
Is silence, not a clashing or clinking of dishes,
Though the plate she brings back is always clean.
We’ve known eachother seven years,
They warned me she would eventually change.
She cannot eat with me, and I love her
At least I think, I hope, I still do.



If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Mort Per Annum’

I got a little over a thousand words today, not bad considering I was out and about and not at all focused. I was pleasantly surprised with my writing for my stand alone poems, but slacked today on the epic. It was hard to choose which one to post, and in fact I may post one of the other poems I wrote tomorrow because I enjoyed it so much. The finished poems I’ve got are all rather dark in nature, but I hope you enjoy them regardless. Hopefully, I’ll get it out of my system and write some more lighthearted pieces as I go on. I had a hell of a time naming this one, so I did something a little different..


‘Mort Per Annum’

It’s about that time of year
When I find myself standing in front of the mirror
With my fingers, my thoughts too muddled
At the still dark and bruised morning,
Only four a.m., it always begins at three or four a.m. –

Fighting my hair which I left uncut for too long
Trying to tie it back, pin it back, make it get along.
A brief walk is all I need, but first I’ve got to fight truth
In the knots I pull out of my hair and the knots
I tie into my heavy graveyard boots.

Get to work, try to work while I can,
Every minute is wasted trying to do the little things
Before it all catches up to me, that thing with the
The lack of sleep, or nothing but sleep,
A semi-constant sticky seeping darkness

That lingers at the back of my throat,
Or sits awkward in my chest on the heart
For most of the year, ready and waiting,
It tastes not unlike fear, but sweeter
In its sickness – I’ve got to get ready to die.

I’ve got to be more ready than anything
For the next three months or four months.
I only get to be living for just a quarter
Of every year. What would you call me?
What could you call me?



If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – Purple My Spaded Heart

Today’s NaNo went really well! I managed 1,710 words today – most of which was spent on the epic poem. I ended up writing 3 separate stand alone poems and figured this was the best of the lot. I’ve been going through old fragments I wrote down back in August to jump off of. I didn’t realize how many little pieces I’ve accumulated. I’m pretty sure I have enough to write with for the entire month. To give my hands a break I’ve also began drawing possible covers for the next collection I’m going to publish. Included above is the rough design for Roses. It’s a Cecile Brunner, a very beautiful climbing rose that the first section will be named after.

As for the explanation behind the poem for today. Last week was Asexuality awareness week, and a while back I began to make an odd list of things I’ve been called when people tried to explain asexuality away or allude to the fact that I’m a bit more queer than they’d like. I also had fun and made one or two of my own. It reminds my of the code words the media use to use when trying to avoid saying a character is gay. It can get a little ridiculous.


‘Purple My Spaded Heart’

We can’t just say things straight
So let me tell you what they say
About all the regrettable people like me:

I’m someone who’s forever uncertain,
Sleeps and dreams alone, every night
In my own bed, never adventurous enough
To test the covers of another’s.

I’m cold, though kind, and a distant look
Is always somewhere in my mind,
So queer, because they could swear I dream
But never of what the future must bring.

And I like neither the sunrise or the sunset,
Not a rose and chocolate person, no candles
On the dinner table, only one cup instead of two
For my morning coffee and tea with its minimal sugar.

There’s no roses in my rose garden,
No secret nooks to hide away into and love more
Naturally. It’s a shame, an unfortunate shame-
A pretty face, a handsome body, all willfully wasted.

I’ve got a purple spaded heart,
And I take no company. It’s lonely.
It must be. I know. I’ve been told so,
But maybe I just haven’t found the one.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

October Update

Not sure if I can call this an October Update when I’m posting it on the last day of October, but I’m going to anyway.

Unfortunately, This month’s plan to post everyday went out the window. As I switched jobs my schedule ended up a little more chaotic than anticipated. This is the first week that I’ve been given a schedule my boss thinks my be my official one – I’m going to be the opener. Downside, I’ve got to wake up at 4am for work, but on the bright side I have the ability to have a social life which is not something I had much of at the old job because of conflicting hours with my friends. I’m still getting use to a new sleep schedule, and so I’m more tired than anything – but that’s beside the point.

Starting tomorrow is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month. I’m not going to be writing a novel so much as another collection of poems, or two. I hope to finish an Epic I started as a Divine Poetry challenge back in 2015. Three of the six parts are finished, although they need editing, and two of those three are posted here. I might be redefining what makes a ‘part’ of the epic or adding extra parts – the challenge originally called for only six. I won’t be posting the epic here though! Even if I get it all written I don’t want it out and about without editing, plus I plan to make it very long. Right now the three parts are at a word count of almost two thousand. Moth-Like. came to a word count of 9,399 overall without the afterword. I plan for Destiny to be a novel length poem. I also have had on the back burner another novel length poem called Astera that’s been sitting at 1,500 for the last five years… and that’s just the tip of it, the introduction, you could say. But I won’t be looking at Astera for another year or two, sadly.

This coming month I will be posting though! I’m going to be doing three different writing sessions a day – but posting only one. I’ll be working on the epic (if it can be called that), Destiny, as well as writing two stand alone poems of which I’ll choose to post one. It seems like a lot, but I have a lot of fragments for writing laying around and work has finally calmed down some. Plus, late March 2018 I’m moving across country and I want to publish one more book by then. I’ve three different possible book themes drawn up and I need to start making them more solid so that’s part of my NaNo.

I look forward to seeing all of you again and the things I will create! I hope you enjoy the coming month!