NaNoWriMo – ‘Productivity’

A quick little piece today, nothing much really – just some vent words. I hope you all have a good week! I’m making progress with NaNoWriMo, but not as much as I’d like. The next two weeks are going to be really busy for me, so hopefully I don’t get too far behind.

 

‘Productivity’

A productive day,
Waking up at 2pm
To get nothing done.
I’m watching the sun
Slink away, minutes collecting
Into days, transforming into
A month, then season,
Then finally a year.
I’m watching it all pass,
I wanted to do Something,
But the tiredness lasts
Longer than the hours
Spent tossing in bed.
I get up at 2pm,
And do nothing.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

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NaNoWriMo – ‘All In Time’

It’s been a productive and good day, surprisingly – it wasn’t as productive as I’d like and I woke up with a migraine – but at least I got caught up on sleep. I ended up having a three day weekend at the cost of having only one day off next week. I’m also many thousand behind on word count for NaNoWriMo, but I don’t mine. I did a count and I’ve got almost 40 stand alone pieces written this month! Sadly, I haven’t been making much progress with the epic.

Today’s poem is a little lighter than usual! I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘All In Time’

Listen to me, I know you’re scared
Of the future and what terrible things
It holds for us, us and our unlucky lives-
But look me in the eyes, now, look at me.

My dear, it will be okay, I will be there.
The chickens may be coming home to roost
While we take off across this country,
But together we will suffer, together, unlucky.

It’s pandemonium, I know, the planning, our attempt
At planning for the unforeseen unavoidable future.
We’ve lived and will live to see worse things, Love,
The boxes are already piled at the door.

I’m ready, my Dear, I’m ready to leave
And make a new home in hell with you.
I know and understand your worries, and true,
It will be hard, it won’t be just us two.

We’ll roost, all of us, a little patchwork quilt
Of conflicting, damaged pasts and lives.
A little chaotic, off-centered family to try and forget
The blood made ones and their brash lies.

Come here, or I will come there, in time, in time.
Listen to me, it will be just fine all in time, I will
Work together with you to make your home mine.
All our little messes will come together, it’ll be alright.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Envy’

I wanted to write more today, but work was exhausting. Luckily, I’ve got a three day weekend – at the cost of a single day off next week. We’ve got to prepare for the holidays at work and next week is when things start to really pick up. I’m going to try and catch up with my writing over the next three days. I’m roughly 10,000 words behind – though 50,000 isn’t my true goal, it is a nice number to aim for.

Today’s poem is.. fun. Personally, it’s hard to recognize when I’m envious. I always just end up thinking I dislike a person and not figuring out why until much later. I’m glad I can catch it – because I know it’s not something essential to whomever I’m envious of, I don’t enjoy disliking people for no good reason.

 

‘Envy’

You’re everything I want to be-
I’m growing envy, green envy, thorns
On a rose bush of admiration warding me
Away. I’ve only to see you to feel nervousness,
Dark and meek, depression rooting in.
I’m lacking in everything I promised myself
When I dreamed of what I’d grow to be,
Yet haven’t, I haven’t even come close.

I’m a disappointment, I see it, you see it-
So talk all harsh and cruel to me, show me
What an endless disappointment I am
At all these attempts I make to play pretend.
I’m strong and helpless, looking shallowly
For anyone’s sweet attention to spend.
Hate me and let me know it,
Make me face the facts that I bend.

I’m tired, and you’re bored of it.
Envy, it’s envy that makes me this way
How subtly in control of everything you know
You want and accept you want, while I juggle
These groundless and inconsistent feelings.
You’re better for your ability to admit and own up
To the thing that is my shameless, secret sin-
My indecent willingness to play pretend.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Lost As A Moth’

Writing was a little difficult today, but I’m tired of only making progress every other day. I have been a little under the weather recently, but I think I can work through it. It’ll help that I have the weekend off (to my knowledge), so I can get some rest.

Anyway, onward to today’s poem. This one was originally sitting around in fragments for the last few months and I finally pieced something together. I hope you all enjoy!

‘I Am Lost as A Moth’

At some point, at least once a month
I am as lost as a moth looking for the moon.
I will end up on my bedroom floor staring
At my bedroom ceiling reciting and practicing
All the words which will never leave my throat.

What the hell am I doing, I will ask
Myself and yet no one in particular, because
I know absolutely but my incompetence in basic
Living as a functional human being, so let me-

So let me sit like the moths do at midnight
On the wall trapped inside a house with bright lights
That I thought all too soon must have been something
Resembling the moon – Let my heart and wings flutter.

Let me stutter to the beat of my dusty, battered wings –
I’m full of life, I’m so terribly full of life and it feels
Incomprehensible not being able to do or know what to do
Except fling myself into fire in an attempt of deliverance.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Two Steps Backwards’

I’m so sorry, I skipped another day. I’ve been getting migraines off and on these last few months and it’s been very exhausting. Today’s wasn’t so bad, and after work and a quick nap I was able to write quite a bit. I’m still very behind on my word count, but at this point I don’t mind. I just want to finish all the fragments of poems I’ve got sitting around before it’s 2018.
Anyway, onward today’s poem. I know I said I was going to try to pull out some more upbeat stuff, but well, that’s easier said than done. I hope you all enjoy this one regardless!

 

‘Two Steps Backwards’

I know all too well who I am,
What I look like, how I dress,
My favorite foods, my limitlessness-
That I’ve limited in the name of names.

I’ve got it all down to a schedule,
A time and place I’ve got to be
To be me – what I need to do to meet
My quota to be self-knowing.

Shy, Angry, and fundamentally Organized –
I am driven to not look people in the eyes
Not even myself in the bathroom mirror-
Let the steam fog up so I don’t have to see.

Discordant. Disturbed. Dissociated.
I need to put it in place, any place
Inside of me where it can’t be seen.
I know all too well who I am.

I know also who and what I want to be,
And in the act of self-care I decided
To ignore self-love and chose instead to love
The limited limitlessness I’ve created for me.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Laundry Day’

Whoops! Looks like I forgot to hit post on this one yesterday – So sorry about that! I’m afraid not much writing got done these last few days, as I’ve been plagued by headaches.

‘Laundry Day’

If I could just
Strip myself of this mentality
And let it fall like well worn cloths
Straight onto my bedroom floor.
I’d pick it up two days later
To throw it in the wash,
And after the cycle is well and done
I’d hang it out back on the cheap nylon rope
Strung taut between two lazy trees-
It needs some of that fresh, cold breeze.
I’d let it hang there for hours or days
Until I remember most likely too late
To bring it in and tuck it comfortably
In the back forgotten corner of my closet.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 4 of Cups – ‘Tea Apathy’

It’s been a day. A very, very chaotic day – neither good nor bad, just.. busy. Today’s card of the day was the 4 of Cups, a card warning against apathy, disconnectedness, and contemplating too much on things – an accurate warning for me today.

 

‘Tea Apathy’

Busted knuckles match the pink and red
Flowers floating on the china of my cup-
A nice honeyed cup of lavender and Earl Grey
For when my days become a little too fucked up.

It’s a nice cup, solid but never stays hot enough.
I always forget it to the point of near cold, lukewarm,
With a bitter aftertaste because I left the leaves in to burn,
Again, I left the to burn while I lost myself in another brainstorm.

Look at this cup, arching handle to meet my hand,
Blushes of flowers, stems, and leaves – a life of peace.
I’m going to make it empty, look at me as I make it empty.
Heartbeat to heartbreak, swallowing to smothering.
Watch the time lapse between the tea cooling and souring and me
Sitting apathetic to what’s inside or out, far-eyed and wondering.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 10 of Wands – ‘Keeping On’

Today’s card was the 10 of Wands, a card representing responsibility, accomplishment, and also burdens. Funny enough, I actually worked myself sick at my morning job and ended up missing my night job.

 

‘Keeping On’

I’ve got to keep on keeping on
In this long lasting, never ending summer heat.
I’m just trying to keep on keeping on
Determined to keep standing my own two feet.

I’ve got hours to go, work to do, more work to do,
Money to compete for, money to save, money to lose.
I’ve numb arms, numb hands, head fog, the blues-
It’s just another day and I’ve got to keep on,
Keep on going, going, going because I’ve got
Everything and nothing left to lose.
Sweet ambition and sweet addition-
I want to keep on keeping on doing
What they tell me I gotta do to succeed.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 7 of Wands, reversed – ‘Wordless’

I’m back! Kinda. I got caught up with life – been working two full time jobs back to back. Next Monday, October 9th, should be the last day at my old job. I’m super excited to have free time again.

I wasn’t sure what to do for this month, but I miss writing. I figured I’d post poems that are based on what tarot card I pull for the day. Today’s was the 7 of Wands in the reverse position. It’s a card about feeling overwhelmed, with your confidence destroyed, and ready  to give up – a great way to start this month (three days late).

‘Wordless’

I’ve got that boredom that curiosity breeds.
Tired of all this thinking and sitting emptily
Day in and day out, depressed because I wonder-
But I don’t wonder enough to do anything with it.

So I sit here. I’m at work, but I’m not at work.
I go home to work some more on scraps of somethings.
I work all day, but I don’t work at all. I can’t quite focus
With my mind being blank and heavy, all these paralyzed thoughts.

I’m curious and also dreadful of everything like
How come it feels I’m sleeping too much and too little
At the same time, every day a contradiction and exhausting.
I read a book for some two-three sentences,

And pause for two days to think about other things-
Little things, like, how does one pronounce
‘Depression’ without opening their mouth the slightest,
Or if you can communicate to someone the impact
They had in mindlessly existing with you in some single moment.

All of this, can I say all of this without, somehow,
Actually having to interact with them outside all those
Empty and make-believe conversations in my head?
I’m merely bored and curious of time and the way it seems
To take months for me to feel like I’ve lived a day.

 

 

 If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

 

Unprompted – ‘I Had Forgotten’

Not a word of the day poem! Decided to post something unprompted for once.

‘I Had Forgotten’

I had forgotten myself
Many times in my short life.
I had forgotten how to write,
How to draw, how to live
Unafraid and unannoyed by
Every little obstacle that falls
Before me unannounced.

I had forgotten I once talked
Of climbing mountains life made
For me to learn to live by,
That sometimes it’s okay
To cry in frustration and anger
For the simplest damn things.

I had forgotten how hard
Life can be, I was so determined
To be stronger and better
Than I ever dreamed of being.
I had forgotten my simple limits,
My simple angers,
My simple fears.

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.