Shadow of May – Day Twenty-Five – ‘A Light Haunting’

Many apologies – I have been ill the past few days. Still going too, but at least I’m a little livelier than before. There’s probably going to be a number of mistakes and typos, but I can check those out later. The twenty-fifth Shadow of May question was: What three things do I most value?

‘A Light Haunting’

My house feels haunted, is haunted
By me. The soft whispering of my feet are
Still just as uncertain despite the two years
They’ve brushed against the concrete floors
That have supported my slippery shadow as I ghost
Between the front door, kitchen, bathroom,
My room – a path of half-existence taken daily.

Sometimes I see the sunlight drifting
Between the semi-closed blinds by the couch,
And sometimes there is food in the fridge
Waiting for when I remember that I’m alive again-
For no mater how tranquil I feel in my incompleteness
There is an existence outside of work, books, and sleep,
Which might require basic actions of me.

It’s a calm sort of crazy, sort of madness,
Haunting myself, that is, being there and yet gone.
For eighteen years I was trained to be quiet and light
On my toes, so much so that I learned to drift from room
To room. My mother began hanging up mirrors just
So she could catch me every now and then, but years later
I forgot how to stop and, I don’t know if I can – or want to.

NaPoWriMo – Day Sixteen – ‘Letter to Love’

Today’s prompt was to write a letter. This feels unfinished to me – maybe I missing a stanza, but I don’t want it to be too lengthy. On the bright side, this is only the second time this month I’ve posted late! I must apologize – I’ve been sick.

‘Letter to Love’

My Love, we all do terrible things
To ease own troubled minds-
A little nick here and there, maybe
A breath of harsh, but fresh air,
A little something less to temper life.

Darling, it’s all personal, all collateral,
I can love another all day, but at night,
Come night, I cannot bare to love myself.
Sometimes you must, you just redirect the pain
From one area to another, emotional to physical.

My Sweetness, my only Sweetness to sweeten
The scares and scars I get when I feel I not quite
Here. Disjointed, Unreal, Unready, I feel-
And I do not feel, so I learned how to do terrible things
To ease, to temper, to try my troubled mind.

My Dear, forgive me for all I dare to ask –
I do not know most days who I am or what I am called.
Please, give me a name, give me something to call
What it is that this body does, has become,
Let me answer to something I can grow to love.