NaPoWriMo – Day Twenty-Two – ‘Among the Stars in Her Anger’

Day Twenty-two of NaPoWriNo challenged us to write a poem using a provided statement of something impossible. I hope you all enjoy!

‘Among the Stars in Her Anger’

Like a short circuit professor spouting endless things
My grandma once told me, “The stars could
Rearrange themselves in the sky at whim.
They could, and they would, abandon worthless things-
Reality, each other, our hopes and dreams.
We are nothing in the eyes of bigger things.
Who cares what the church sings about,
Who cares what little things cause doubt.
The whole universe will leave you behind.”

She took drags from her pipe, ate the sweets
Her doctor told her to deny, and when she died,
When her mind finally, of all things to go,
Slipped beyond into it’s final bruised sunset
With it’s slowly arriving stars, I looked up and saw
Them being pushed around in her anger because
“This was not the way I wanted to go.”

If you enjoy my writing please try and support me by checking out my book Moth-Like. or my chapbook Simple Acrostics of Silly Desperation available on Amazon now! Also don’t feel afraid to comment or review on anything I post – I’d love to hear from you!

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GloPoWriMo – Day Seven – ‘Categories’

So today’s prompt was a little odd and complex, but refreshing to do. I will admit this one is kind of a mess. The prompt was to make a list of the different identities I have and then split them into two groups: Those that make me feel powerful and those that make me feel insecure. After those two groups are identified I was then to write a poem with the two groups having a conversation. I don’t like the current title so I may rename it in the future.. Anyway,  I hope you all enjoy the chaos!

 

‘Categories’

I don’t want you to forget
Who you are,
Who you’ve been.
There’s just been so much to learn
It’s hard to think about sometimes when alone-
Comparing ourselves to characters in books,
How we’ve grown and developed,
What’s our theme, what’s our setting,
Why are we acting this way
What are we trying to save.

There’s so much to know
And everything to explain.
We’ve grown so strong in recent years,
Comfortable, in many ways, a King among
The worlds in our mind. I understand but,
I don’t want you to feel less, forgotten, or ashamed
Of emotions.

But I am – and we know it, no matter how good
We are about making things okay that are better left
Forgotten. We can be the best, you are the best, I know,
A king of your own, ruler of body, mind, heart, but
Listen – I was never the one ashamed, just weary and scared.

I grew lost in existing with my head beside the stars.
I am lost constantly trying to find boxes to perfectly place
Gender, Sexuality, Religion, and Family – where do I stand
Where do I want to go, what to be, how can I fix myself
Before others try more vehemently to fix me.

The past is the past, we both know, but
I can never forget or forgive –
No matter how many books I read,
No matter how many papers I write,
No matter how hard or much I work,
Where we started,
What we started,
And where we’ve been:
A sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a friend,
A problem child, an American, a quick learner, a hard worker,
An ambivert, asexual, greyromantic, genderless, deadheaded mess.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

GloPoWriMo – Day Six – ‘Good Morning’

Sorry this is a bit late! I had a few errands to run the last two days. Day seven is queued and should be posting in a few hours to catch me up.

Today’s prompt was to play with the length of our lines while reading!

‘Good Morning’

I smell dark coffee and oranges
At 6pm.
Waking up to a day already gone
But ready to get up anyway.
I learned perseverance was the best virtue,
It’s the most beautiful virtue,
With cigarette smoke and closed blinds
My childhood was spent like lost time.

These mornings
Now I do it all,
Opening the blinds and light incense on the mantle
Take a walk down the street and back-
It’s cool here in the early light and early night.
Breakfast was always just me
But now it’s me with a dog laying by my feet.
Checking news, reading a book, taking my time to wake up
To get up.
I take my vitamins with some water,
It’s routine, but my life routine is flexible.
I learned to try and live harder,
I get up and get going regardless
Of the sun or moon.

 
If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

GloPoWriMo – Day Two – ‘Curio Cabinet’

Today’s prompt for GloMoWriMo was to write a poem messing with perceptive. In a very unoriginal burst I wrote about a change of perceptive based on age. I hope you guys enjoy it regardless!

‘Curio Cabinet’

I saw it full of small wonders and horrors
All the porcelain teapots with their flowers
Eternally in bloom and cracked next to the army
Of dead eyed dolls dressed to their Victorian best.
There were bells of every size, color, and make
Sitting silently everyday I came by to play and
Which my little fingers were banned from touching.
I saw grandma’s curio cabinet and with my curiosity

I itched to run or move closer, moving closer with
Age. I wanted to know. I needed to know
As my short days turned into short months.
There was glass teddy bears next to wooden angles,
Pieces of Kinkade’s landscapes on cups and dishes,
A quirky music box in the form of a fancy lady,
A VHS box set of Shirley Temple and matching mug.
These were the things my grandma loved,
Those were the things I saw the curio full of.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Unprompted – ‘Keeping Tradition’

I have been writing very little so far this year, but really, I can’t seem to find the time with everything right now. In a month I will be moving across the country, and my hands have literally been full with the subject of this poem. (I am determined to give my grandmother a finished afghan back, and I am half done as you can see above. I should’ve planned the colors and patterns better, honestly.)

‘Keeping Tradition’

The family afghans and quilts are made
By hand for married grandchildren.
Our grandmother, when aged well, but not
Quite well aged, use to spend months
With the monks cloth braced between
Her piercing fingers, tracing the patterns
Weeks before the needle ever dared to dart
And plant the yarn between its timid floats.

We were all suppose to get one.
In determination she bought the cloth,
And cut it before we even knew our own names.
The colors were selected with some divine
Understanding of each one of us, knowing
What we’d grow to prefer in adulthood.
At each marriage announcement she began
Weaving with pride and fearlessness.

Everyone has had one gifted to them, but me-
My family is quickly growing tired of me
Not telling them all the important things
They think they want and are willing to know.
Finally, last month my grandmother handed me
Three yards of indigo monks cloth and two needles,
She told me that once I buy my yarn to start
With a diamond pattern – the best for beginners.

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Unprompted – ‘A Taste of Life’

A quick post for today, I finally finished this little piece after sitting on it for over a year. Hope you enjoy!

‘A Taste of Life’

In adulthood I have learned
To love the taste of many things.
Black coffee and cold tea, both
Sitting, waiting on my desk for me.

Alcohol sweet and burning,
Greeting me as welcome its fire
In the back of my throat
After a long exhausting day full of life.

And the world, oh the world I have tasted
In all it’s seasons, phases of growth and decay.
Sweet and ripe summer, chilly crisp winter,
The clouds, the air, the sunshine all on my lips.

I have learned to love the taste of life.
With my tongue, my teeth – gorging myself
On my memories, bright candy like fragments,
And rotten, half chewed stories spanning years.

I have learned the taste of so many things,
Happiness, inspiration, disappointment, and fear.
I have tried to eat all of them at least once-
I have swallowed sadness and pride.

I’ve tasted my remorse and salty tears.
I have ate everything I have dared to eat-
Even love, but I found it was too bitter
Or maybe it was too sweet for me.

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘All In Time’

It’s been a productive and good day, surprisingly – it wasn’t as productive as I’d like and I woke up with a migraine – but at least I got caught up on sleep. I ended up having a three day weekend at the cost of having only one day off next week. I’m also many thousand behind on word count for NaNoWriMo, but I don’t mine. I did a count and I’ve got almost 40 stand alone pieces written this month! Sadly, I haven’t been making much progress with the epic.

Today’s poem is a little lighter than usual! I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘All In Time’

Listen to me, I know you’re scared
Of the future and what terrible things
It holds for us, us and our unlucky lives-
But look me in the eyes, now, look at me.

My dear, it will be okay, I will be there.
The chickens may be coming home to roost
While we take off across this country,
But together we will suffer, together, unlucky.

It’s pandemonium, I know, the planning, our attempt
At planning for the unforeseen unavoidable future.
We’ve lived and will live to see worse things, Love,
The boxes are already piled at the door.

I’m ready, my Dear, I’m ready to leave
And make a new home in hell with you.
I know and understand your worries, and true,
It will be hard, it won’t be just us two.

We’ll roost, all of us, a little patchwork quilt
Of conflicting, damaged pasts and lives.
A little chaotic, off-centered family to try and forget
The blood made ones and their brash lies.

Come here, or I will come there, in time, in time.
Listen to me, it will be just fine all in time, I will
Work together with you to make your home mine.
All our little messes will come together, it’ll be alright.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Envy’

I wanted to write more today, but work was exhausting. Luckily, I’ve got a three day weekend – at the cost of a single day off next week. We’ve got to prepare for the holidays at work and next week is when things start to really pick up. I’m going to try and catch up with my writing over the next three days. I’m roughly 10,000 words behind – though 50,000 isn’t my true goal, it is a nice number to aim for.

Today’s poem is.. fun. Personally, it’s hard to recognize when I’m envious. I always just end up thinking I dislike a person and not figuring out why until much later. I’m glad I can catch it – because I know it’s not something essential to whomever I’m envious of, I don’t enjoy disliking people for no good reason.

 

‘Envy’

You’re everything I want to be-
I’m growing envy, green envy, thorns
On a rose bush of admiration warding me
Away. I’ve only to see you to feel nervousness,
Dark and meek, depression rooting in.
I’m lacking in everything I promised myself
When I dreamed of what I’d grow to be,
Yet haven’t, I haven’t even come close.

I’m a disappointment, I see it, you see it-
So talk all harsh and cruel to me, show me
What an endless disappointment I am
At all these attempts I make to play pretend.
I’m strong and helpless, looking shallowly
For anyone’s sweet attention to spend.
Hate me and let me know it,
Make me face the facts that I bend.

I’m tired, and you’re bored of it.
Envy, it’s envy that makes me this way
How subtly in control of everything you know
You want and accept you want, while I juggle
These groundless and inconsistent feelings.
You’re better for your ability to admit and own up
To the thing that is my shameless, secret sin-
My indecent willingness to play pretend.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Lost As A Moth’

Writing was a little difficult today, but I’m tired of only making progress every other day. I have been a little under the weather recently, but I think I can work through it. It’ll help that I have the weekend off (to my knowledge), so I can get some rest.

Anyway, onward to today’s poem. This one was originally sitting around in fragments for the last few months and I finally pieced something together. I hope you all enjoy!

‘I Am Lost as A Moth’

At some point, at least once a month
I am as lost as a moth looking for the moon.
I will end up on my bedroom floor staring
At my bedroom ceiling reciting and practicing
All the words which will never leave my throat.

What the hell am I doing, I will ask
Myself and yet no one in particular, because
I know absolutely but my incompetence in basic
Living as a functional human being, so let me-

So let me sit like the moths do at midnight
On the wall trapped inside a house with bright lights
That I thought all too soon must have been something
Resembling the moon – Let my heart and wings flutter.

Let me stutter to the beat of my dusty, battered wings –
I’m full of life, I’m so terribly full of life and it feels
Incomprehensible not being able to do or know what to do
Except fling myself into fire in an attempt of deliverance.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Two Steps Backwards’

I’m so sorry, I skipped another day. I’ve been getting migraines off and on these last few months and it’s been very exhausting. Today’s wasn’t so bad, and after work and a quick nap I was able to write quite a bit. I’m still very behind on my word count, but at this point I don’t mind. I just want to finish all the fragments of poems I’ve got sitting around before it’s 2018.
Anyway, onward today’s poem. I know I said I was going to try to pull out some more upbeat stuff, but well, that’s easier said than done. I hope you all enjoy this one regardless!

 

‘Two Steps Backwards’

I know all too well who I am,
What I look like, how I dress,
My favorite foods, my limitlessness-
That I’ve limited in the name of names.

I’ve got it all down to a schedule,
A time and place I’ve got to be
To be me – what I need to do to meet
My quota to be self-knowing.

Shy, Angry, and fundamentally Organized –
I am driven to not look people in the eyes
Not even myself in the bathroom mirror-
Let the steam fog up so I don’t have to see.

Discordant. Disturbed. Dissociated.
I need to put it in place, any place
Inside of me where it can’t be seen.
I know all too well who I am.

I know also who and what I want to be,
And in the act of self-care I decided
To ignore self-love and chose instead to love
The limited limitlessness I’ve created for me.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.