Daily Card Pull – 4 of Cups – ‘Tea Apathy’

It’s been a day. A very, very chaotic day – neither good nor bad, just.. busy. Today’s card of the day was the 4 of Cups, a card warning against apathy, disconnectedness, and contemplating too much on things – an accurate warning for me today.

 

‘Tea Apathy’

Busted knuckles match the pink and red
Flowers floating on the china of my cup-
A nice honeyed cup of lavender and Earl Grey
For when my days become a little too fucked up.

It’s a nice cup, solid but never stays hot enough.
I always forget it to the point of near cold, lukewarm,
With a bitter aftertaste because I left the leaves in to burn,
Again, I left the to burn while I lost myself in another brainstorm.

Look at this cup, arching handle to meet my hand,
Blushes of flowers, stems, and leaves – a life of peace.
I’m going to make it empty, look at me as I make it empty.
Heartbeat to heartbreak, swallowing to smothering.
Watch the time lapse between the tea cooling and souring and me
Sitting apathetic to what’s inside or out, far-eyed and wondering.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

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Word of the Day – Depredate – ‘Noon Time Sun’

Today’s word of the day is depredate, a verb signifying to lay waste, plunder, or ravage. It’s been a very interesting and trying summer. I hope everyone else’s was much calmer and relaxing.

‘Noon Time Sun’

I know a woman who loves with spite-
Immoral all the decisions she does not make,
Hateful all the people she does not love.

She’s the noon time sun, and she’ll depredate
Everything left out under her eyes, her eyes which
Will blind you if you ever try to meet her head on.

It’s been a hellish summer like every other,
But this time it’s also something different, something
Inane that’s begun to drive me mad with regret.

I know a woman who takes no criticism,
But agrees she can be petty after she slams
All the doors leading in and within our little apartment.

Everything bakes beneath her flares of rage – it’s petty,
Yes. she knows it’s petty, all those rages from the cup on the counter
Left out by herself, but she forgot so it’s mine, always mine, again.

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Word of the Day – Serendipity – ‘Serendipity’

I couldn’t think of a better title for this poem other than the word I jumped off to write it. Serendipity is the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.

‘Serendipity’

Let’s love again for a moment or two-
Feel a little less fear, a little more ravenous.
Come out and into the rain, leave it all behind,
Again. Step off the porch, learn to not hide,
Learn to look that summer storm in the eyes.

Find a little serendipity, or if not, or if you can’t-
Let it find you with those hands shaking, heart breaking.
Find a tiny bit of bliss somewhere behind all your tears,
Tilt your head back and feel the rain drop past your ears.
I love you. I loved you. And I loved you more, once, I know.

What seems like yesterday was years ago,
You were a sweet rose tea – sweet, sweet serendipity.
I couldn’t love you enough in the past it seems,
But I could be happy if you could find happiness.
Good day. Good night. Goodbye, I pray,
Be happy and live a little more in the rain.

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99. This is a piece that will be a cornerstone in my possible next book Roses.

Word of the Day – Inalienable – ‘Confession’

Today’s word of the day was inalienable, meaning incapable of being alienated, surrendered, or transferred. It took me so long to write this. I didn’t want to get political or sad, so I tried to make something beautiful, unfortuantely I feel it’s lacking… a lot. Maybe I’ll rewrite it when I’m not so tired and unfocused.

‘Confession’

We will never be wholly apart
Except in those rare darkening of the heart
Where we tend to feel so intolerable alone,
But watch now as the sky comes together
Before your eyes, the birds perched separate
Now sing together as the earth remembers to turn.
The sun, for us, dips and drops downward,
Down and into the next town a thousand miles away
Where it peaks to give another person who lives
A world apart and yet right beside you another day.

We may never meet
And yet, I remember in my insignificance
All my wasted words, pointless laughter-
Pain experienced alone, but shown in ink.
It stains, we stain, the universes and worlds
We’ll never see but briefly in another human.
I’ll confess. I am inspired by someone who thought
They were nothing important, and still do
Because I could never raise my heart to speak
And close the distance I thought was there.

Shadow of May – Day Fifteen – ‘All the Little Hurts’

Here is yesterday’s Shadow of May! I’m still a little sick – but I’m going to try and keep on top of these. I at least want to get through all 31! Even if I’m a bit behind in some areas – the challenge asks some very interesting questions… Yesterday’s question was: How do I perceive pain?

‘All the Little Hurts’

I’ve grown to hate the question,
“Who hurt you?” as if all the little hurts,
Many little hurts, many little things
That make a person over time can be pointed
To some single person to blame it all on.
Pain has become a natural part of my life,
It’s all the little lost hopes, the forgotten dreams-
All which hurt and have made me who I am today.
It has never been just a single person,
Someone tangible that I can be protected from.
I love how it’s never been that simple-
I would never have got here if it was.

NaPoWriMo – Day Twenty-Eight – ‘The Goal’

I was a bit later than usual today, but I managed to work out a Skeltonic poem per the prompts request. Now, i’m a little mixed about this one. I like it, but outside of the words involved, I find putting this thought into words to be lengthy. Keeping my lines short was quite hard.. But a fun challenge. I might try this form again, later.. I will admit, this is not very dipodic. I kept switching between two and three stressed syllables, and I can’t seem to figure out how to keep myself at two.

‘The Goal’

Keep quiet love
Near – in a glove
Maybe, or above
And out of touch
To see but not clutch
At desperately – much,
Not overly much.
Sell your soul;
Comfort is the goal.
Keep it in control,
Keep quiet love –
Or I must get rid of
It, all of it, right here.
Keep it gone, or near-
Hush love, hush soul:
Living is not my goal.

NaPoWriMo – Day Eighteen – ‘Sunsplit, Busted Lip’

Today’s prompt was to do a poem using neologisms, or made up words. I was actually rather worried about this piece because using multiple neologisms is not my strong suit – one or two is okay, but after that I worry about it become too coagulated to understand. I use inktorn on occasion, but other than that the rest are all very new..

 

‘Sunsplit, Busted Lip’

Sunsplit, busted lip, August’s hot heat at home-
We could’ve been, we could’ve been something
Not what you thought I thought I wanted so long ago,
Long ago when I was too quiet to say something more.

My heartlipped dreams once stwafed and spit,
I drove myself to happiness believing in a simpler bliss-
Maybe I could cherish a childish thing, a frank thing,
I dreamed we were friends left yet to be- you and me.

Your blue eyes were madness to me, they made me inktorn,
I could’ve sworn it was nothing but pure, but they said
I was soulbent, brout tipped, too heartlipped to be truly pure,
They told me it was love, the glove fit, and I –

I believed them, friendship spent, words bent,
So, I went and I became only more inktorn for the world.
I spent my Augusts sunsplit, busted lipped, hot heat
Not at home – I feared you thought I thought I wanted something-
Something not quite as pure, but, I was too quiet to say something more.

NaWriPoMo – Day Seventeen – ‘What They Need’

Today’s prompt was to do a nocturne inspired poem- and what’s better than heartbreak and moths? I had to write this one twice because the first version came out as too forceful, which unfortunately made writing a little longer than anticipated so I’m publishing this a few minutes into April 18- oh well.

‘What They Need’

You’re beautiful, but depressing-
It’s 2am and you’re eating your grief
For another lost love, another future gone
You swore this one was The One,
The One you thought you could count on.

Did you not know-
You can break your own heart,
Staring at that ceiling hoping for someone,
Not you, to dream of being saved by – Counting,
You’re just counting the seconds and the spins
The fan above your head makes, hopelessly alone.

Come now. Please. Slip your shoes on, or not,
We’re going outside tonight, right now – to count,
We’re going to count the moths as they bash themselves
Against our porch light, a sun to them, a lover – Look!
How determined, how sure they are of its gentle warmth.
How sure they are of what they think they need, when cold-
Did no one teach them how to love themselves first?

NaPoWriMo – Day Eleven – ‘Darling’

Sadly, it seems I broke my record of getting these out before midnight – but I had to stay overtime at work for two hours which gave me only 5 minutes to type something… which didn’t work.

Today’s prompt was to do a Bop! A love child between a sonnet and a song. Definitely an interesting form, might play with it again later. Alas, my subject matter isn’t the most cheerful, but then again it rarely is – not my style, I guess.

‘Darling’

I can’t handle the hate
That comes with love-
Vague feelings to slight despairs,
What about the idea of loving
Makes a person feel so weak?

It’s all a lie, darling

What if they are faking?
What if I am faking?
I never could trust myself-
I could never trust myself
To love a person completely,
Perfectly, in a dreamily like
Trance, what if they knew-
Wouldn’t they hate me too?

It’s all a lie, darling

And I don’t know if I could
Take heartbreak, it’s already broke
Once – once is too many times.
Why must I hate to love love?
Maybe, I don’t know if, I’ll handle
Knowing, not knowing, but knowing

It’s all a lie, darling.