NaNoWriMo – ‘Productivity’

A quick little piece today, nothing much really – just some vent words. I hope you all have a good week! I’m making progress with NaNoWriMo, but not as much as I’d like. The next two weeks are going to be really busy for me, so hopefully I don’t get too far behind.

 

‘Productivity’

A productive day,
Waking up at 2pm
To get nothing done.
I’m watching the sun
Slink away, minutes collecting
Into days, transforming into
A month, then season,
Then finally a year.
I’m watching it all pass,
I wanted to do Something,
But the tiredness lasts
Longer than the hours
Spent tossing in bed.
I get up at 2pm,
And do nothing.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Advertisements

NaNoWriMo – ‘All In Time’

It’s been a productive and good day, surprisingly – it wasn’t as productive as I’d like and I woke up with a migraine – but at least I got caught up on sleep. I ended up having a three day weekend at the cost of having only one day off next week. I’m also many thousand behind on word count for NaNoWriMo, but I don’t mine. I did a count and I’ve got almost 40 stand alone pieces written this month! Sadly, I haven’t been making much progress with the epic.

Today’s poem is a little lighter than usual! I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘All In Time’

Listen to me, I know you’re scared
Of the future and what terrible things
It holds for us, us and our unlucky lives-
But look me in the eyes, now, look at me.

My dear, it will be okay, I will be there.
The chickens may be coming home to roost
While we take off across this country,
But together we will suffer, together, unlucky.

It’s pandemonium, I know, the planning, our attempt
At planning for the unforeseen unavoidable future.
We’ve lived and will live to see worse things, Love,
The boxes are already piled at the door.

I’m ready, my Dear, I’m ready to leave
And make a new home in hell with you.
I know and understand your worries, and true,
It will be hard, it won’t be just us two.

We’ll roost, all of us, a little patchwork quilt
Of conflicting, damaged pasts and lives.
A little chaotic, off-centered family to try and forget
The blood made ones and their brash lies.

Come here, or I will come there, in time, in time.
Listen to me, it will be just fine all in time, I will
Work together with you to make your home mine.
All our little messes will come together, it’ll be alright.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Envy’

I wanted to write more today, but work was exhausting. Luckily, I’ve got a three day weekend – at the cost of a single day off next week. We’ve got to prepare for the holidays at work and next week is when things start to really pick up. I’m going to try and catch up with my writing over the next three days. I’m roughly 10,000 words behind – though 50,000 isn’t my true goal, it is a nice number to aim for.

Today’s poem is.. fun. Personally, it’s hard to recognize when I’m envious. I always just end up thinking I dislike a person and not figuring out why until much later. I’m glad I can catch it – because I know it’s not something essential to whomever I’m envious of, I don’t enjoy disliking people for no good reason.

 

‘Envy’

You’re everything I want to be-
I’m growing envy, green envy, thorns
On a rose bush of admiration warding me
Away. I’ve only to see you to feel nervousness,
Dark and meek, depression rooting in.
I’m lacking in everything I promised myself
When I dreamed of what I’d grow to be,
Yet haven’t, I haven’t even come close.

I’m a disappointment, I see it, you see it-
So talk all harsh and cruel to me, show me
What an endless disappointment I am
At all these attempts I make to play pretend.
I’m strong and helpless, looking shallowly
For anyone’s sweet attention to spend.
Hate me and let me know it,
Make me face the facts that I bend.

I’m tired, and you’re bored of it.
Envy, it’s envy that makes me this way
How subtly in control of everything you know
You want and accept you want, while I juggle
These groundless and inconsistent feelings.
You’re better for your ability to admit and own up
To the thing that is my shameless, secret sin-
My indecent willingness to play pretend.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Two Steps Backwards’

I’m so sorry, I skipped another day. I’ve been getting migraines off and on these last few months and it’s been very exhausting. Today’s wasn’t so bad, and after work and a quick nap I was able to write quite a bit. I’m still very behind on my word count, but at this point I don’t mind. I just want to finish all the fragments of poems I’ve got sitting around before it’s 2018.
Anyway, onward today’s poem. I know I said I was going to try to pull out some more upbeat stuff, but well, that’s easier said than done. I hope you all enjoy this one regardless!

 

‘Two Steps Backwards’

I know all too well who I am,
What I look like, how I dress,
My favorite foods, my limitlessness-
That I’ve limited in the name of names.

I’ve got it all down to a schedule,
A time and place I’ve got to be
To be me – what I need to do to meet
My quota to be self-knowing.

Shy, Angry, and fundamentally Organized –
I am driven to not look people in the eyes
Not even myself in the bathroom mirror-
Let the steam fog up so I don’t have to see.

Discordant. Disturbed. Dissociated.
I need to put it in place, any place
Inside of me where it can’t be seen.
I know all too well who I am.

I know also who and what I want to be,
And in the act of self-care I decided
To ignore self-love and chose instead to love
The limited limitlessness I’ve created for me.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Laundry Day’

Whoops! Looks like I forgot to hit post on this one yesterday – So sorry about that! I’m afraid not much writing got done these last few days, as I’ve been plagued by headaches.

‘Laundry Day’

If I could just
Strip myself of this mentality
And let it fall like well worn cloths
Straight onto my bedroom floor.
I’d pick it up two days later
To throw it in the wash,
And after the cycle is well and done
I’d hang it out back on the cheap nylon rope
Strung taut between two lazy trees-
It needs some of that fresh, cold breeze.
I’d let it hang there for hours or days
Until I remember most likely too late
To bring it in and tuck it comfortably
In the back forgotten corner of my closet.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – The Wheel, reversed – ‘Bitter Bones’

So this was yesterdays card – I wrote it between jobs but didn’t post it because by the time I finished my final day at the night job I was feeling a little dead. The card I pulled was The Wheel of Fortune in reverse which is a card signifying bad luck and misfortune. Sure enough, it was a tough day despite little joys. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get today’s and tomorrows out. For now I’d best head to sleep for I begin work at 5am.

 

‘Bitter Bones’

Today could’ve been a good day
Like no other, sprinkled with little blessings
Little joys found like leaving a job
I couldn’t stand anymore,
Being praised and seeing old friends,
Treating myself to coffee.

It all went so smooth, so well, yet
Lingering it all hurt. I woke up with the hurt,
A rotting somewhere around the knees and ankles.
The ache in my bones bluntly reminding me
Not all my days will be lived equally.
It was a sweet day with a bitter aftertaste.

I wanted to live it all fully, gleefully, but
All those simple little things were tainted by
My inability to focus, to busy trying to not fail
At everything I attempted, such as laughing
At a joke instead of wincing, and complaining
How today was a bit rougher than I wished.

 

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Daily Card Pull – 4 of Cups – ‘Tea Apathy’

It’s been a day. A very, very chaotic day – neither good nor bad, just.. busy. Today’s card of the day was the 4 of Cups, a card warning against apathy, disconnectedness, and contemplating too much on things – an accurate warning for me today.

 

‘Tea Apathy’

Busted knuckles match the pink and red
Flowers floating on the china of my cup-
A nice honeyed cup of lavender and Earl Grey
For when my days become a little too fucked up.

It’s a nice cup, solid but never stays hot enough.
I always forget it to the point of near cold, lukewarm,
With a bitter aftertaste because I left the leaves in to burn,
Again, I left the to burn while I lost myself in another brainstorm.

Look at this cup, arching handle to meet my hand,
Blushes of flowers, stems, and leaves – a life of peace.
I’m going to make it empty, look at me as I make it empty.
Heartbeat to heartbreak, swallowing to smothering.
Watch the time lapse between the tea cooling and souring and me
Sitting apathetic to what’s inside or out, far-eyed and wondering.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Word of the Day – Depredate – ‘Noon Time Sun’

Today’s word of the day is depredate, a verb signifying to lay waste, plunder, or ravage. It’s been a very interesting and trying summer. I hope everyone else’s was much calmer and relaxing.

‘Noon Time Sun’

I know a woman who loves with spite-
Immoral all the decisions she does not make,
Hateful all the people she does not love.

She’s the noon time sun, and she’ll depredate
Everything left out under her eyes, her eyes which
Will blind you if you ever try to meet her head on.

It’s been a hellish summer like every other,
But this time it’s also something different, something
Inane that’s begun to drive me mad with regret.

I know a woman who takes no criticism,
But agrees she can be petty after she slams
All the doors leading in and within our little apartment.

Everything bakes beneath her flares of rage – it’s petty,
Yes. she knows it’s petty, all those rages from the cup on the counter
Left out by herself, but she forgot so it’s mine, always mine, again.

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Word of the Day – Splenetic – ‘Tuck Me In’

Classes have started back up so work is a little crazy. We got an unexpected 1,300 students for dinner alone these last three days and lets just say the cafeteria’s stock of food is running a bit low.

Today’s Word of the Day is Splenetic, as in something marked by a bad temper, malevolence, or spite.

 

‘Tuck Me In’

Tuck me in bed with all these
Ill formed thoughts and invisible diseases.
My heart can’t take it, I can’t
Take it – It strains me, I am tense,
A kettle steaming and pushing out huffs
Before it begins to scream.

I don’t look sick enough to act this sick,
Though you can hear my legs creak like rusty
Door hinges, a high pitched rumble and screech
Where there’s simply not enough love, apparently,
To oil them into an easy, active life.
If drink a bit more water I’ll be well.

It’s cute, I’m cute, I’ve been told
How my body breaking down under me
Is something for them to protect me from, yet
Their self-projected empathy finds it inconvenient
When they want to go out to play and my body,
My mind can’t go out and play with them.

I’m a broken playground swing, and it’s precious
The memories people imagine and re-imagine of me,
Years ago before it all started to go to hell.
I’m a child indefinitely, except when they want me to be
Something more wholesome and together and.. less sick.
So let’s tuck me in bed, again, and tell me to get well.

 

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.

Unprompted – ‘I Had Forgotten’

Not a word of the day poem! Decided to post something unprompted for once.

‘I Had Forgotten’

I had forgotten myself
Many times in my short life.
I had forgotten how to write,
How to draw, how to live
Unafraid and unannoyed by
Every little obstacle that falls
Before me unannounced.

I had forgotten I once talked
Of climbing mountains life made
For me to learn to live by,
That sometimes it’s okay
To cry in frustration and anger
For the simplest damn things.

I had forgotten how hard
Life can be, I was so determined
To be stronger and better
Than I ever dreamed of being.
I had forgotten my simple limits,
My simple angers,
My simple fears.

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.