Shadow of May – Day Twenty-Three – ‘Slowly, Tenderly’

Have I ever mentioned how hard it is for me to name things? Like, I’m terrible at it most days, but today I just couldn’t decide.. But I guess this will work. Today’s Shadow of May asked: What is my hatred to my energy levels?

 

‘Slowly, Tenderly’

I have learned, ever so slowly
To stay tender despite the bitterness
In the many years I’ve lived and seen.
I like believe the most terrible thing I can do
Is spit in their face by refusing to be mean.

Easily, I’ve grown to live and love
All those terribly disruptive emotions
That kinder people would find so distasteful-
All that negativity, the sour and bitter things,
Such as drowning in sadness and feeling hateful.

They’re a part of life, at least half of it, surely.
Emotions so strong and uncomfortable they sit heavily
Inside of you, in your stomach or lungs, on the tongue-
I enjoy them all in my own way, contemplating how it is
That they are there, waiting, but mostly left unsung.

They are so usually unsung, except in hate-
And it’s ironic what we’ll do to those who feel
A little less than human for more than a minute.
Tenderness comes from living painfully and knowing
That we can’t expect everyone to be perfectly absolute.

Shadow of May – Day Seventeen – ‘Living for the Littlest Things’

Just found out I’m missing this years Divine Poetry challenge, damn. I love that challenge.. But the month is over half way gone, there’s little chance I’d catch up. Anyway, today’s Shadow of May question is: How do I feel about death? (True story btw).

 

‘Living for the Littlest Things’

One time I dreamed that I died-
A heart attack while I slept,
It was unsurprising, it’d happen
Eventually, I’d always been sure.
My heart is the weakest thing about me.

I remember half-consciously worrying
As pain spiked in my chest, body numbing,
I slowed unspeakably down, I slowed so deeply
A blink was five minutes long, but I worried
Only for the handmade book I promised my sister.

I promised her a book for her birthday;
It was already almost three months late
And only half finished – I was so ashamed
That I was letting her down, I’d promised
Two-hundred fifty pages, front to cover.

It was only for her eyes! All the poems I’d refused
To share, all the little bits of life I didn’t ever want
To live or forget, the little sorrows and the little dreams.
All I dreamed of was lying in bed, thinking, while my heart stopped,
How much she’d hate me for leaving her a half-finished book.

Shadow of May – Day Fifteen – ‘All the Little Hurts’

Here is yesterday’s Shadow of May! I’m still a little sick – but I’m going to try and keep on top of these. I at least want to get through all 31! Even if I’m a bit behind in some areas – the challenge asks some very interesting questions… Yesterday’s question was: How do I perceive pain?

‘All the Little Hurts’

I’ve grown to hate the question,
“Who hurt you?” as if all the little hurts,
Many little hurts, many little things
That make a person over time can be pointed
To some single person to blame it all on.
Pain has become a natural part of my life,
It’s all the little lost hopes, the forgotten dreams-
All which hurt and have made me who I am today.
It has never been just a single person,
Someone tangible that I can be protected from.
I love how it’s never been that simple-
I would never have got here if it was.

Shadow Of May – Day Ten – ‘Being Happy’

Sorry for the late post for Shadow of May day ten! Was up all night fighting with Blender trying to build a 3D model for a long term project – I blinked and it was 3am and I had work today at 10… Anyway, day ten’s question was: What three things makes me happy?

‘Being Happy’

It’s all the little, pointless
Bits of comforting chaos I find-
Late nights followed by too early mornings
(Rushed, teeth unbrushed, coffee dead in cups),
Or storms when the sun should shine
(Equally a blessing or a curse in disguise).

I want to feel this life of mine.
I want to prove my life is mine.
Happily, I exist in fickleness and perplexity,
Happy also becoming everything and nothing.
I’m happy in three unsolid states of being.

Shadow of May – Day Five – ‘For the Better’

We’re on time today! (Mainly because it’s my day off work and I got extra sleep – that’s certainly helping). Anyway, today’s Shadow of May question: How am I doing right now?

‘For the Better’

It could be worse-
I am tripping over my own feet
Trying to meet the ideals made
For someone kind of like me.

I should be more than I am.
I’ve had more than enough time
To do so, it’s true, maybe…
But I could be so much worse.

Will I ever mange to accept that-
I am driven mad with the thoughts
Of how much I am waiting and wasting,
Not realizing that I am moving by living.

And isn’t that how it is for everyone?
Told when to grow up, get a job, have kids,
Half even are told of their expiration date…
Maybe, it’s time to tell ourselves some things.

NaPoWriMo – Day Twenty-Two – ‘Don’t Care to Care’

I must apologize – I wrote all this half asleep(I’m just that exhausted from work). Around the end I realized this might not be a georgic poem, it doesn’t seem to have much in way of dealing with land or rural imagery… unless the thing you’re caring for is not land but rather yourself. You are your own world, your own land, your own nation- I suppose, and with that supposition this can be a georgic.. or not.

I tried, and now I must sleep. I’m existing on three-four hours of sleep and it shows. Please excuse the typos – there’s probably quite a few…

 

‘Don’t Care to Care’

There is no romance in suffering,
The inflection upon ourselves or earth-
But we are told it is such a natural thing
To deny ourselves such love from birth.

It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.
For me, you might say, it won’t change
If I miss once or twice such little things?
Food, sleep, simply ease: why such outrage-

Suffering seems like such a natural thing.
Today I accept I lack what I might need:
Simple decency – for what makes me human
More than the need, the devouring need, a greed.

It might not matter, it will not matter
You think when you attempt a good deed
Knowing that life might as well give nothing
In return, but what if you did succeed?

Could it not be worth it? To see the world
A little brighter, a little lighter, cleaner, at ease.
When was the last time a break was made,
Small sufferings abandoned for a gentle breeze?

Stop suffering, stop daring yourself to fail.
There is no romance, no pride in pain
Gained from being too weak to treat yourself
Gently, like glass, when you know there is no gain.