NaNoWriMo – ‘Multidimensional Love’

Sorry in advance for any formatting errors! I’m having to type this on my phone as I’m traveling.

 

‘Multidimensional Love’

I am a creator of many worlds,
Is it incumbent upon myself that
I treat them all with love.

They are my scars, whole valleys
Baring the lives of thousands I will
Never fully know.

They are my lashes, my hair,
My nails, things that are apart of me,
Yet I am so quick to lose unknowingly.

Whole worlds die and live on my skin,
Little villages, colonies, nations,
And many more inside of me will thrive.

My fantasies are alive, multiple personalities
Branching off of a single curious whim, acted
Out in walking and sleeping dreams.

Tell me, why I cannot love them? Why should
I not love them? Them in all their horrors
And grace – them existing in me.

It’s magic, it’s witchcraft, its power in basic
Realization that I am more than me,
I am beyond a single being.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

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NaNoWriMo – ‘Scrimshank’

It’s been a good day. It was raining when I got off work this morning,and after a quick unexpected nap I hung out with a friend. We mostly got coffee and prepped for an upcoming Starfinder campaign that’ll be starting sometime in December. It also helps my mood, but not my wallet, that I bought two books I didn’t need.

Today’s poem is actually a fun little piece I wrote using today’s word of the day as a jumping point. To scrimshank is to avoid one’s obligations or share of work – aka, to shirk duties.

 

‘Scrimshank’

In my defense,
It’s raining and on a rainy day
You sleep, most naturally.
I understand I made promises.
There are many things to do:
Laundry, paperwork, the bills,
Some writing, some more writing,
A picture I promised you I’d draw.

I’ve got a two lives worth of work
Sitting impatiently on my desk daring me
To choose my bed and its cheap comfort.
Well, an untested virtue is no virtue,
So I’ll have you know – I would never
Find or be chosen by the Holy Grail.
Life can wait another day, it’s raining-
And I’ve got a date in my dreams.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Productivity’

A quick little piece today, nothing much really – just some vent words. I hope you all have a good week! I’m making progress with NaNoWriMo, but not as much as I’d like. The next two weeks are going to be really busy for me, so hopefully I don’t get too far behind.

 

‘Productivity’

A productive day,
Waking up at 2pm
To get nothing done.
I’m watching the sun
Slink away, minutes collecting
Into days, transforming into
A month, then season,
Then finally a year.
I’m watching it all pass,
I wanted to do Something,
But the tiredness lasts
Longer than the hours
Spent tossing in bed.
I get up at 2pm,
And do nothing.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘All In Time’

It’s been a productive and good day, surprisingly – it wasn’t as productive as I’d like and I woke up with a migraine – but at least I got caught up on sleep. I ended up having a three day weekend at the cost of having only one day off next week. I’m also many thousand behind on word count for NaNoWriMo, but I don’t mine. I did a count and I’ve got almost 40 stand alone pieces written this month! Sadly, I haven’t been making much progress with the epic.

Today’s poem is a little lighter than usual! I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘All In Time’

Listen to me, I know you’re scared
Of the future and what terrible things
It holds for us, us and our unlucky lives-
But look me in the eyes, now, look at me.

My dear, it will be okay, I will be there.
The chickens may be coming home to roost
While we take off across this country,
But together we will suffer, together, unlucky.

It’s pandemonium, I know, the planning, our attempt
At planning for the unforeseen unavoidable future.
We’ve lived and will live to see worse things, Love,
The boxes are already piled at the door.

I’m ready, my Dear, I’m ready to leave
And make a new home in hell with you.
I know and understand your worries, and true,
It will be hard, it won’t be just us two.

We’ll roost, all of us, a little patchwork quilt
Of conflicting, damaged pasts and lives.
A little chaotic, off-centered family to try and forget
The blood made ones and their brash lies.

Come here, or I will come there, in time, in time.
Listen to me, it will be just fine all in time, I will
Work together with you to make your home mine.
All our little messes will come together, it’ll be alright.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Lost As A Moth’

Writing was a little difficult today, but I’m tired of only making progress every other day. I have been a little under the weather recently, but I think I can work through it. It’ll help that I have the weekend off (to my knowledge), so I can get some rest.

Anyway, onward to today’s poem. This one was originally sitting around in fragments for the last few months and I finally pieced something together. I hope you all enjoy!

‘I Am Lost as A Moth’

At some point, at least once a month
I am as lost as a moth looking for the moon.
I will end up on my bedroom floor staring
At my bedroom ceiling reciting and practicing
All the words which will never leave my throat.

What the hell am I doing, I will ask
Myself and yet no one in particular, because
I know absolutely but my incompetence in basic
Living as a functional human being, so let me-

So let me sit like the moths do at midnight
On the wall trapped inside a house with bright lights
That I thought all too soon must have been something
Resembling the moon – Let my heart and wings flutter.

Let me stutter to the beat of my dusty, battered wings –
I’m full of life, I’m so terribly full of life and it feels
Incomprehensible not being able to do or know what to do
Except fling myself into fire in an attempt of deliverance.

 

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Two Steps Backwards’

I’m so sorry, I skipped another day. I’ve been getting migraines off and on these last few months and it’s been very exhausting. Today’s wasn’t so bad, and after work and a quick nap I was able to write quite a bit. I’m still very behind on my word count, but at this point I don’t mind. I just want to finish all the fragments of poems I’ve got sitting around before it’s 2018.
Anyway, onward today’s poem. I know I said I was going to try to pull out some more upbeat stuff, but well, that’s easier said than done. I hope you all enjoy this one regardless!

 

‘Two Steps Backwards’

I know all too well who I am,
What I look like, how I dress,
My favorite foods, my limitlessness-
That I’ve limited in the name of names.

I’ve got it all down to a schedule,
A time and place I’ve got to be
To be me – what I need to do to meet
My quota to be self-knowing.

Shy, Angry, and fundamentally Organized –
I am driven to not look people in the eyes
Not even myself in the bathroom mirror-
Let the steam fog up so I don’t have to see.

Discordant. Disturbed. Dissociated.
I need to put it in place, any place
Inside of me where it can’t be seen.
I know all too well who I am.

I know also who and what I want to be,
And in the act of self-care I decided
To ignore self-love and chose instead to love
The limited limitlessness I’ve created for me.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here;.

NaNoWriMo – ‘The Day Of Quiet’

Woke up late and had a killer headache most of today. Didn’t write much, sadly.
As a introductory note: the other day I had a really weird day at work.

 

 

‘The Day Of Quiet’

It’s a quiet day, too quiet
With all these people everywhere
Getting their coffee and baked goods.
It’s early morning work time rush
Yet no one is rushing with their usual chatter.
The gas at the pump is full and busy
But they’re all slowly repeating the same
Mundane task with indifference and silence.
It’s October, but it’s not that cold,
But the bodies lining up at the register
Are not anything I could call warm.
They give half smiles that look too worn, and
I’m beginning to think that no matter how much icing
I’ve smudged on my apron or sugar I’ve poured
In my coffee and tea will make this day sweet.
We all seem to need something more subtle
Than sugar or sleep.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Bakeneko’

Today was a little stressful at work so I’m heading over to a friends house to play a pathfinder campaign. I’ve got the weekend off so with the help of caffeine I’m going to be writing late tonight when I get back.
The poem from today was inspired by one of my favorite Japanese folklore. It was also the poem I wrote yesterday and couldn’t decided if I wanted to post it. I hope you all enjoy!

 

‘Bakeneko’

She will not eat with me.
Every evening I slave alone under her gaze,
Casual comments, gentle jokes of life stretching
Between us and the various kitchen appliances.
Sometimes she’ll dance around the kitchen
Little radio playing as we dodge one another,
Laughter as she’s dances around the topic.
I know she knows. I am hesitant while she is vague.
I do all I can to keep her, bidding my time, and yet
She never stays. She will not eat with me.

She will not eat with me.
I prepare the meals, the grocery trip
Is the closest I see her to the food,
Personally. She tags along behind me
Slinking from aisle to aisle, pointing out
The frozen pizzas, the chicken nuggets,
Rows of instant noodles of fifteen flavors.
She distracts me in an attempt to crawl
Into the cart, like a large playful kitten,
But I think I know the truth.

I only have the bedroom door closing
With it’s excuses, the newest season of
A beloved series, things to read while
She eats. But all I hear beyond the door
Is silence, not a clashing or clinking of dishes,
Though the plate she brings back is always clean.
We’ve known eachother seven years,
They warned me she would eventually change.
She cannot eat with me, and I love her
At least I think, I hope, I still do.

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Mort Per Annum’

I got a little over a thousand words today, not bad considering I was out and about and not at all focused. I was pleasantly surprised with my writing for my stand alone poems, but slacked today on the epic. It was hard to choose which one to post, and in fact I may post one of the other poems I wrote tomorrow because I enjoyed it so much. The finished poems I’ve got are all rather dark in nature, but I hope you enjoy them regardless. Hopefully, I’ll get it out of my system and write some more lighthearted pieces as I go on. I had a hell of a time naming this one, so I did something a little different..

 

‘Mort Per Annum’

It’s about that time of year
When I find myself standing in front of the mirror
With my fingers, my thoughts too muddled
At the still dark and bruised morning,
Only four a.m., it always begins at three or four a.m. –

Fighting my hair which I left uncut for too long
Trying to tie it back, pin it back, make it get along.
A brief walk is all I need, but first I’ve got to fight truth
In the knots I pull out of my hair and the knots
I tie into my heavy graveyard boots.

Get to work, try to work while I can,
Every minute is wasted trying to do the little things
Before it all catches up to me, that thing with the
The lack of sleep, or nothing but sleep,
A semi-constant sticky seeping darkness

That lingers at the back of my throat,
Or sits awkward in my chest on the heart
For most of the year, ready and waiting,
It tastes not unlike fear, but sweeter
In its sickness – I’ve got to get ready to die.

I’ve got to be more ready than anything
For the next three months or four months.
I only get to be living for just a quarter
Of every year. What would you call me?
What could you call me?

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – Purple My Spaded Heart

Today’s NaNo went really well! I managed 1,710 words today – most of which was spent on the epic poem. I ended up writing 3 separate stand alone poems and figured this was the best of the lot. I’ve been going through old fragments I wrote down back in August to jump off of. I didn’t realize how many little pieces I’ve accumulated. I’m pretty sure I have enough to write with for the entire month. To give my hands a break I’ve also began drawing possible covers for the next collection I’m going to publish. Included above is the rough design for Roses. It’s a Cecile Brunner, a very beautiful climbing rose that the first section will be named after.

As for the explanation behind the poem for today. Last week was Asexuality awareness week, and a while back I began to make an odd list of things I’ve been called when people tried to explain asexuality away or allude to the fact that I’m a bit more queer than they’d like. I also had fun and made one or two of my own. It reminds my of the code words the media use to use when trying to avoid saying a character is gay. It can get a little ridiculous.

 

‘Purple My Spaded Heart’

We can’t just say things straight
So let me tell you what they say
About all the regrettable people like me:

I’m someone who’s forever uncertain,
Sleeps and dreams alone, every night
In my own bed, never adventurous enough
To test the covers of another’s.

I’m cold, though kind, and a distant look
Is always somewhere in my mind,
So queer, because they could swear I dream
But never of what the future must bring.

And I like neither the sunrise or the sunset,
Not a rose and chocolate person, no candles
On the dinner table, only one cup instead of two
For my morning coffee and tea with its minimal sugar.

There’s no roses in my rose garden,
No secret nooks to hide away into and love more
Naturally. It’s a shame, an unfortunate shame-
A pretty face, a handsome body, all willfully wasted.

I’ve got a purple spaded heart,
And I take no company. It’s lonely.
It must be. I know. I’ve been told so,
But maybe I just haven’t found the one.

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.