Word of the Day – Schadenfreude – ‘Bad House-Mate’

Today’s word of the day is schadenfreude, a German word that’s slowly being adopted into English. A schadenfreude is a person who enjoys the troubles others face. It’s like malicious joy. Schaden is the German word for harm or damage, and freude the word for pleasure.

 

‘Bad House-Mate’

It wasn’t that you refused to clean,
You were born, obviously, in a more pristine
Environment than us, the unfortunate
People who’s parents didn’t make enough,
Or raise us right instead of beating us with a belt.

It wasn’t that your rent was turned in late,
Always late and magically never given in full.
We always seemed to make enough to cover your mistakes:
Too much spent shopping, that trip to Miami, dinner
With more important, richer friends at the latest place.

It wasn’t that we always paid for the groceries,
Paid for the Internet, paid for new dishes and silverware,
Furniture we needed, you know so we knew too, we needed
Everything you said would make us seem a little more decent.
What if one of your friends, our friends, were to come over?

It also wasn’t that you demanded we give you respect
Freely, yet for us we needed to prove ourselves first in
Your precious baby blue eyes, whose to say our past doesn’t
Still haunt us – what if we had itchy fingers and a case of laziness.
You always needed to make sure we knew how to work.

Again, it wasn’t that you refuse to listen or learn
Even when you asked to be taught – look, i understand,
Learning to balance a checkbook or load the dishwasher is something
Very unsophisticated, but it needs to be done. The intricate details
Of self-sufficiency are many and hard to remember, I know.

We know, you never considered yourself to be the bad house-mate,
Never locking the door, but proudly boasting that you carried the key.
Money was your security growing up, can’t we see? With that only our
Messes mattered. Only our responsibilities, our downfalls, our less than yours
And less than respectable upbringing. It’s hard to live with us I know.

But it was never necessarily the things you did which pilled up
Piece by piece like the dirty laundry that spread all over your floor.
It wasn’t always the things you did to us when you expected us to do more.
It was the way, and why, and how you chose to live with us like a punishment,
Like a chore unless we did everything for you only to have you demand praise.

 

If you like my writing you should check out my book Moth-Like.! It’s available on Amazon in multiple countries!

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Word of the Day – Gauche – ‘Teach Me’

The word of the day poem today was actually yesterday’s – July 21st’s – but due to heat exhaustion from work I went straight to bed when I got home. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow I’m working 12-15 hour shifts depending on how the day progresses. The downside is I’m outside working in a heat index of 108 and high humidity. I was able to write this in some down time in the early hours, but the rest of the day just about killed me.

Yesterday’s word of the day was Gauchelacking social experience or grace or not tactful. This piece still feels a little rough so I’ll probably make some changes. Maybe.

 

“Teach Me”

Tell how gauche I am-
Awkward, I’m so terribly awkward
And nobody quite understands or cares
So teach me, please, your proper socialization.

I’m intelligent, you’ve told me
But that won’t make a quick buck.
I need to learn how to beg,
And know when to shut up.

So teach me how to smile more,
And teach me how to beg for money.
Ask for the rich’s little change while maintaining
A proper polite, pleasant, caring poor facade.

Why can’t I just drink and chat,
A cocktail party isn’t the place to get
A little playfully anti-capitalist.
Let’s talk about the weather-

Or school, but nothing really,
Nothing remotely close to getting deep.
I’m here to be the pretty face,
Nod, smile, settle into a better place.

I’m a gauche sort of person, I know,
I look good enough, but lack all the tack-
So you’ve told me time and time again.
So now tell me, what do you have to teach?

After tomorrow I get three days off. Moth-Like. is coming along nicely, but the last two days I haven’t able to make any progress due to work. After I get some rest I’m going to be focusing on completely it.

Word of the Day – Edacious – “Feed Us”

Back on track! Today’s word of the day is edacious, an adjective meaning to have a huge appetite, or being excessively eager.

“Feed Us”

I am called ravenous,
Lazy, but utterly ravenous.
Nothing fills me, I am deep
Without depth, simple little pleasures
Become simple little snacks, meaninglessness
Fills me briefly before I must feed again.

I am of the generation of ravenous youth,
Eager to excess to feel the flesh
Of peace, simple and filling traditional peace
Between our teeth. When did it not become enough?
I have heard other, older men, say, when did
Settling down with a family, a single lifetime job,
And benefits not become enough?

They do not feed us. They will not feed us,
And so we’ve turned to consuming, by not
Consuming everything once held as ideal and free.
Consuming a country that was originally mixed with liberty-
When was the recipe changed, why was that recipe changed.
I’ve not money to eat with and so I began
To eat money, they say, they say we eat the stability
That our country has fought for. All the stolen oil
And racism were just simple ingredients that are too
Bitter to taste alone, but add flavor. Pointless pain
Is just flavor for those people who have more refined tastes.

I am tired, my generation is tired,
Of the same meal. Two jobs with minimum pay
For the cheapest apartment, a dozen degrees
With no future meaning behind them except years of
Souring debt. It is not filling, and we have become
Ravenous, edacious even for the peace our parents
And grandparents were blessed to feel and be filled by.
Mother always said it’d be best for me to eat my greens,
But says, oh she says when she screams, this isn’t what she means.

There is nothing else to eat, we are beyond hungry
And will not stand to be staved. I want to feel
The bones and flesh of the system which wants to brake
Us:my friends, my strangers, and myself. I want to feel
It snap and tear under my crooked little teeth.

Shadow of May – Day Thirty-One – ‘Circumspection’

So with this Shadow of May is finished, though a day late. I haven’t found anything for June in either poetry challenges or tarot challenges, so I might take the month off as I’ve got to finish up my sister’s book and begin learning Blender to help a friend out on a game she’s developing. If I do take off I will most likely be back in July – I don’t want to leave this place dead for too long. Plus. I like writing semi-daily, it’s become a nice, relaxing habit I’ve developed for after I get off work. Anyway, enough with all the babble. The last prompt for Shadow of May was: What do I need to explore?

 

‘Circumspection’

My life is all about the cost
Of living, living modestly, and working well
For long hours. I leave the living in the little bit
Left over between one work day and the next.
I’m methodical an I’ve no reason to rebel,
I swear, It’s one of those painful sort of comforts-
I got a job and I pay the right price everyday
To keep it, and most days, most days
I only get off feeling sort of dead for it all.
It’d be perfect, if only my heart wasn’t nostalgic
For a place I’d never been but in my dreams,
Of the day and night variety, a dream where I live
And work happily, without conflict and worry
How I’ll balance my bills and what I want to be.

Shadow of May – Day Twenty-Two – ‘When I Hate’

Yesterdays Shadow of May is a just bit late, but that’s okay! In theory I’ll get today’s out in time.. Maybe. The question asked was: What is the root of my hatred?

‘When I Hate’

I root my hate in the throats
Of people with abundance and health,
But who don’t know what it means to work
For happiness hopelessly empty handed.

Shadow of May – Day Twenty – ‘All My Worthless Anger’

Look at this! Not late! Crazy right? I don’t know how it happened but I got it out on time – impressive since I worked all day today and didn’t get home until 10pm! Today’s Shadow of May question asked: What provokes me to anger? Why?. A very loaded question – I try not to get angry often, but when I do I am a thing possessed. Today’s piece took an interesting turn…

‘All My Worthless Anger’

I’ve been angry the day I found out
My dreams had been sold to me taxed twice
At inflated prices and interest drawn high-
Pay while you’re young enough to take a loan
And you’ll pay the price every hour you live.

I’ve been pointlessly angry at the future,
Unable to commit myself to anything, because
Because, I believe I was sold a future that failed-
I bought it under the promise, the idea, the dream
That it would get better in time, things would be fixed,
Things could be fixed.. Band-aids on the bullet holes
This terrible world is being riddled with day after day.

My worthless anger is half anxiety and half grief,
Stirred twice, poured out, mixed again and again
Until it’s more inedible than it was to begin with.
How dare I ever think I could afford to dream?
I am to blame, they taught me at fifteen, I should’ve
Know to invest in something less real and more obscene.
What is decent living, a decent life lived at minimum wage-
The world, where I stand, no longer carries such futile things.

Shadow of May – Day Sixteen – ‘Heartless’

I did this Shadow of May on time – I just couldn’t get anything I wrote to flow right. I still think it’s too awkward and not quite clear – which is driving me crazy. The question was: How does others’ pain affect me? My answer was a complicated one. I want to help – but I get hostile at their pains source. I don’t think that’s clearly established in this piece. It needs a lot of work.

‘Heartless’

I am vindictive with my all that I love,
There is no puppy-sickness to speak of.
I am quiet, the people I can for are few,
To say I am heartless is both true and untrue.

I care for the pain of humanity as a whole-
And I care for those few I love deeply in my soul.
I want to help, to a certain extent, all that is hurt,
Excluding, of course, all those that caused such hurt.

You see, I am vindictive with all that I love,
Because I hate equally for all that consists of-
Other’s pain hurts me when it’s never what they deserve,
I can’t care for all that the silent majority tries to preserve.

Shadow of May – Day Eight – ‘Living Alone’

Finally caught up! Here is today’s Shadow of May! Oddly enough, all the cards I drew were extremely positive in light of the question (and four of five were Major Arcana…): What can solitude help me with?

‘Living Alone’

She’s asked often if she’s married,
Whom, they wonder, could be so blessed
To have such hard-working wife,
They are so offended when there is
No one to worship the person they praise.
But, what if – she worshiped herself?
In solitude, accepting things society doesn’t
Healing wounds no hands could reach.

He is told marriage is a stability
Anyone can afford – who wouldn’t wish
To come home to love and acceptance?
He does – he finds it by himself, most often,
Within himself and that’s okay, he thinks.
But sometimes it’s hard not to wonder
If, maybe, in a voice like someone else’s, it’s not.
But in solitude he can accept all his wrongs.

Solitude does not mean loneliness,
At some point, we all need to face ourselves
Without anyone else intervening. Accept ourselves,
Accept the shadows, the demons, the thoughts
Better left unsaid except when alone and facing
The mirror, knowing how to face failure
And being able love yourself for it all, regardless.
Some people can do it everyday. Some can’t. It’s okay.

Shadow of May – Day Six – ‘Terribly Lucky”

Sorry this is so late! The last two days I’ve been working 15 hour shifts, which means when I got home I barely had the energy to draw any cards, let alone write.
Today there should be three pieces from me, though I may only get two done if I’m being honest with myself.. On the bright side, because of how much I worked the previous two days I got to have today and tomorrow off. Most of today was spent catching up on sleep..

Anyway, today’s Shadow of May questions were: What am I thinking and feeling? How is my environment?

‘Terribly Lucky’

Run away, I want to run away.
Just run away from all the little mistakes
I’ve made, like becoming a person people
All mistake me to be – so happy, so joyous.
The person I have built them to expect of me
I want it gone. I want to be free, to exist as a child,
With raw potential and hope, without anxiety –
The social expectations and implications.

It’s good to get out of your comfort zone
True, and that’s my problem, I’m here,
Static on the radio, no movement, no music.
Sometimes it’s best to leave, for sanity’s sake.
Burn your bridges when you get to them,
Set fire to your hope and dreams-
Only to pray a phoenix is born from the ashes
Singing praise for the things you left behind to grow.

I am blessed with some sort of luck.
I’ve just enough luck to pay basic bills
And feed myself five out of seven days.
It’s the little bits of mental chaos that eat at me
That consume me, the “What Should I Be’s”
The forced stability from people who were never
Young, futureless and forced to live a promised lie
About the age you were going to be happy with hard work.

Shadow of May – Day Five – ‘For the Better’

We’re on time today! (Mainly because it’s my day off work and I got extra sleep – that’s certainly helping). Anyway, today’s Shadow of May question: How am I doing right now?

‘For the Better’

It could be worse-
I am tripping over my own feet
Trying to meet the ideals made
For someone kind of like me.

I should be more than I am.
I’ve had more than enough time
To do so, it’s true, maybe…
But I could be so much worse.

Will I ever mange to accept that-
I am driven mad with the thoughts
Of how much I am waiting and wasting,
Not realizing that I am moving by living.

And isn’t that how it is for everyone?
Told when to grow up, get a job, have kids,
Half even are told of their expiration date…
Maybe, it’s time to tell ourselves some things.