A quick little piece today, nothing much really – just some vent words. I hope you all have a good week! I’m making progress with NaNoWriMo, but not as much as I’d like. The next two weeks are going to be really busy for me, so hopefully I don’t get too far behind.
A productive day,
Waking up at 2pm
To get nothing done.
I’m watching the sun
Slink away, minutes collecting
Into days, transforming into
A month, then season,
Then finally a year.
I’m watching it all pass,
I wanted to do Something,
But the tiredness lasts
Longer than the hours
Spent tossing in bed.
I get up at 2pm,
And do nothing.
If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.
I got a little over a thousand words today, not bad considering I was out and about and not at all focused. I was pleasantly surprised with my writing for my stand alone poems, but slacked today on the epic. It was hard to choose which one to post, and in fact I may post one of the other poems I wrote tomorrow because I enjoyed it so much. The finished poems I’ve got are all rather dark in nature, but I hope you enjoy them regardless. Hopefully, I’ll get it out of my system and write some more lighthearted pieces as I go on. I had a hell of a time naming this one, so I did something a little different..
‘Mort Per Annum’
It’s about that time of year
When I find myself standing in front of the mirror
With my fingers, my thoughts too muddled
At the still dark and bruised morning,
Only four a.m., it always begins at three or four a.m. –
Fighting my hair which I left uncut for too long
Trying to tie it back, pin it back, make it get along.
A brief walk is all I need, but first I’ve got to fight truth
In the knots I pull out of my hair and the knots
I tie into my heavy graveyard boots.
Get to work, try to work while I can,
Every minute is wasted trying to do the little things
Before it all catches up to me, that thing with the
The lack of sleep, or nothing but sleep,
A semi-constant sticky seeping darkness
That lingers at the back of my throat,
Or sits awkward in my chest on the heart
For most of the year, ready and waiting,
It tastes not unlike fear, but sweeter
In its sickness – I’ve got to get ready to die.
I’ve got to be more ready than anything
For the next three months or four months.
I only get to be living for just a quarter
Of every year. What would you call me?
What could you call me?
If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.
Sorry it’s been such a long time since I posted anything. Life recently has been hectic. Between a housemate going AWOL and my great grandma passing away everything has been a little difficult. I’m going to queue up a handful of pieces tonight.
Today’s was an old word of the day I never got around to posting. Plausible is an adjective which describes something that is appearing worthy of belief or superficially fair, reasonable, or valuable but often specious.
It’s all these late nights.
I can’t sleep, it’s a problem.
Dizzy exhaustion, can I drown myself
In words- a book filled with a world
I cannot dream.
It’s plausible that I have a problem,
Something to do with the lack of ability
To sleep or stay asleep, my eyes can close
But cannot find the place where dreams go.
My eyes burn.
How long can I go without sleep?
All these late nights are slowing me down.
I don’t know what I’m seeing or reading,
An entire world goes on around me, but
I cannot see it.
If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.
So today’s word of the day is fester, to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration or putrefy/ rot. I had a little fun with this – mainly because for me it’s in the very early morning hours, and I’m still awake though I have work later today. I’m just sleepless, so I’ve taken the opportunity to type up and edit some pieces that I’ve had lying around.
‘For Your Consideration’
Consider this: I’m tired.
Don’t worry, I’m always tired-
Which doesn’t leave much for you to consider,
So consider this: I’m tired and for a good reason.
It’s not the lazy sort of tired,
The ‘I have energy to live and work,
But I’d rather play video games today’ sort
Or the ‘I drank cold brew coffee at 2 am again’ kind.
I’m tired and I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t done anything to be tired, really,
I swear, I woke up not an hour or two ago, yet
It seems to have been a very long few hours, I feel.
None of this new, no worries, truly,
I’ve gotten use to festering in a mild amount of despair,
Waking up every day tired. There’s nothing to really consider.
I just wanted to see if there was someone out there.
Oh! The ebook of Moth-Like. is officially on Amazon as of.. Wednesday? I think was when it was accepted. You can find it here. It did end up being a little more expensive than planed. It’s $6.48. Weird price (as in not rounded up or ending in .99), I just like all those numbers and it ended up being… a bit thicker in page numbers than expected. I was aiming for 60-80, it came out to a little over 100. In a week or two I’m planning on having the paperback up. It’s taking longer than expected because formatting is.. fun. Also, I have to order proofs to make sure it doesn’t come out janky. I’m probably going to be adding links to it at the end of my posts so that I promote it, but not in an obnoxious way. I don’t want people to be bombarded by it, so I’m putting it somewhere that’s easy to scroll past or ignore. I might make a post about it and any upcoming books and keep that in an about me area (which I haven’t done yet…. whoops), but that’s in the future.
So I looked at Merriam-Webster’s word of the day was Sericeous, which means ‘covered with fine silky hair’ and I honestly couldn’t think of anything. So instead I download a word of the day app on my phone and got Extramental, ‘which means existing outside the mind’ – something I could work with easily. I’ll probably be jumping back and forth between the two applications/sites so I have an option. Who knows, maybe some days I’ll use both. These words are to inspire, of course, I don’t have to use them, per say, in the poem. They just have to reference or define the word in a more creative way.
Enough with that. Today’s word was Extramental, and I have a story to tell.
I tried, as we all try
At somepoint at the very least
To control everything perfectly
What I eat. When I eat.
The time I wake up
The time I sleep.
All simple, simple
But if, say, my neighbor
Who lives two stories above me
Were somehow to not hear,
Were somehow not home to hear,
Were somehow incapable of caring to hear
Their little red sports car
Start screaming at 2am and continue
It’s naturally mindless rage
For a solid hour and a half,
I must accept that the reason ‘why’
And ‘how’ are beyond me,
Beyond my understanding-
And though murder might not be,
It is considered highly impolite.
Just found out I’m missing this years Divine Poetry challenge, damn. I love that challenge.. But the month is over half way gone, there’s little chance I’d catch up. Anyway, today’s Shadow of May question is: How do I feel about death? (True story btw).
‘Living for the Littlest Things’
One time I dreamed that I died-
A heart attack while I slept,
It was unsurprising, it’d happen
Eventually, I’d always been sure.
My heart is the weakest thing about me.
I remember half-consciously worrying
As pain spiked in my chest, body numbing,
I slowed unspeakably down, I slowed so deeply
A blink was five minutes long, but I worried
Only for the handmade book I promised my sister.
I promised her a book for her birthday;
It was already almost three months late
And only half finished – I was so ashamed
That I was letting her down, I’d promised
Two-hundred fifty pages, front to cover.
It was only for her eyes! All the poems I’d refused
To share, all the little bits of life I didn’t ever want
To live or forget, the little sorrows and the little dreams.
All I dreamed of was lying in bed, thinking, while my heart stopped,
How much she’d hate me for leaving her a half-finished book.
The final day of NaPoWriMo is here! I managed a solid 29/30 which is much more than I expected to accomplish. I have a tarot challenge picked out for May to participate in and have plans to post a poem for each day based on my readings, so hopefully I will still be active daily.
The final prompt was to write about something that reoccurs. Here it is:
‘Again and Again’
Every night, and sometimes day,
I lay my head down and I just lay.
I lay there and I think and I dream
And I hope and I worry at everything.
If I could sleep away every sorrow,
Lay down, say goodbye until tomorrow-
Or the next day, the next day, another day
Until, in time, I wake with some hope again.
I want to stop going to bed in equal parts
Of hope and despair, dreading but wishing
For what another day might finally bring-
I want to wake up and feel my heart sing.
I dream sometimes and I think other times
Of all the things I’d do if only I didn’t just lay,
Lay here, down here, dreading my future dreams
To act instead of thinking constantly of pointless things
Sorrows may grow like dandelions every day,
But could I not grasp them, could I not play with them
By blowing their spores into the wind with wishes
Causing more in time to grow, more little sorrows.
Again and Again, I lay my head down and say-
Maybe I can sleep away some sorrow today.
But every morning I wake up still waiting to know
If another day is full of hope or wasted until tomorrow.
Today’s prompt was to do a poem on taste! I chose silence because… why not? Also I must apologize – Yesterday was full of unexpected surprises at work. By the time I got home at 1am I was dead tired and just went to sleep.
‘Dreaming of Silence’
A long night spent painfully quiet,
A taste of chalkiness, a sitting
Ungracefully on the tongue,
Heavy weight, foreboding.
It’s silence, uncomfortable silence,
And it tastes like that drink you thought
Was yours, but it wasn’t, it was a stranger’s.
How wrong it tasted. How wrong it all felt.
Dreams, dreams dreamed silently,
They taste so wrong in the back of your throat-
A bitter heaviness of sleep lost, thoughts lost
Sweetness replaced by a bitter irony.
Would coffee cover it – would anything?
Anything to wake up, to move on, to forget
How it came to be all your dreams were replaced
With silence, with that bitter heavy silence.
They say that when you dream in black and white
It’s because you judge the world as one or the other.
It’s silent and it sits heavy on the tongue, ashy loathing,
Acid regret sitting in the back throat watching and waiting.
Today’s prompt was repetition! I adore repetition, and though this isn’t my best work yet – I enjoy it, and that’s enough for me.
Replenishing darkness in which I lay,
Lay my head down upon bended knee,
Lay my head down and pray sleepily:
I wish for sweet healing dreams.
I wish for my body to restore.
I wish by all my simple means-
I wish to swim in sleeps shore.
I wish I knew how to properly love.
I wish I knew what I was made for.
I wish I knew what Gods dream of,
I wish I knew what Gods cry for-
But I’ve been told it’s best to let
Gods sleep, and to sing them Goodnight.
So Goodnight, but I wish that if I ever met
A God on sleeps sweet shore some night
Maybe, maybe they might tell me why
I was made, how to love, and if they cry.