Shadow Of May – Thursday Update – ‘Hibiscus Moon’

Back this week with another piece! I’ve been a little under the weather (mostly due to my POTS acting up), but I’m on the mend now. I’ve been at odds with sleep, so here’s a poem dedicated to that.

‘Hibiscus Moon’

Let me tell you about these
Hibiscus dreams I receive every night.
They are the acceptance I give every
Time I sleep – falling into the nothingness,
Tare-like void of a tired out existence.

These hibiscus dreams,
A sweet and sour sugar mix
Of thick, dark, red tea pumping
Through the lines of my consciousness
Like the blood in my slowing heart
As I drift into the fall.

Life is exhausting and I accpet
That I will be awake for most of it.

If you enjoy my writing please try and support me by checking out my book Moth-Like. or my chapbook Simple Acrostics of Silly Desperation available on Amazon now! Also don’t feel afraid to comment or review on anything I post – I’d love to hear from you!

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GloPoWriMo – Day Fourteen – ‘You Dreamed of a Rowboat’

For day fourteen the prompt was to write a fake dream dictionary entry for a set of nouns. I picked rowboat because, well, why not.

‘You Dreamed of A Rowboat’

Rowboat

To dream you are in a rowboat symbolize
You are feeling stuck on top of a body of your emotions,
Rowing above them you cannot escape, the waves
Will try and dictate your actions, you can only
Push and pull yourself along in attempt to leave,
Finding reason and land. If you dream you are on the sea
There is very little you can do but drown.
If you are beached on land, yet sit rowing regardless,
Then maybe you ought to drown.

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

GloPoWriMo – Day Eight – ‘The Card Reader’

Today’s prompt for GloPoWriMo was to write a poem in which mysterious and magical things occur. This one was quite fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it!
In a few days (possible even tomorrow) a new chapbook of poetry, Simple Acrostics of Silly Desperation, will be up on Amazon! It is exactly what it sounds like.

 

‘The Card Reader’

You came to me, you all do,
Asking question after question:
Will I find love?
Will I find money?
Do they love me? Can you make them?
How will I die?
What should I do?

Nobody ever asks what Gods dream of-
Their eyes slowly blinking closed,
Whole years just drowsy heartbeats,
Falling into sleep eventually
For an eternity or two.
Nobody asks who or if they love.

You come to me with fists and hearts
Clenched and full, looking for answers to questions
We all already know.
Pay me money for lies, a solid twenty for a cozy time.
I’ll play with cards.
I’ll play with crystals.
I’ll play with you.

And when i close shop, turn the lights off,
Lock up, and head home, and blink back slowly
At the large eyes in the night sky.
I leave and leave to go to sleep for a gentle eternity.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Unprompted – ‘Good Morning’

So I was planing to resume posting at least weekly like… a month or two ago, but then I got double pneumonia and work went a little crazy. I’m moving in about a month so I don’t know how active I’ll be – but hopefully I’ll pick back up again!

‘Good Morning’

Good morning,
It is dead silent and still dark outside
With all the cars sleeping in their spots,
Owners going slow in sleep without them,
Or in dreams going fast without them.

A stray cat is watching me watch him
Blinks, turns around, and carries on
His morning routine, and
I turn in time to carry on my own
Another step, walking, again, continuing.

It is uncanny and warm,
An oddly comforting dark February morning
With the moon contemplating it’s long shift
Watching over all the little things
We have built and become below it.

I step out into the street
As I do every morning at four am,
Drowsy and half stuck in some dream,
I step out and stop half across
Wondering if the car lights will catch me.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Productivity’

A quick little piece today, nothing much really – just some vent words. I hope you all have a good week! I’m making progress with NaNoWriMo, but not as much as I’d like. The next two weeks are going to be really busy for me, so hopefully I don’t get too far behind.

 

‘Productivity’

A productive day,
Waking up at 2pm
To get nothing done.
I’m watching the sun
Slink away, minutes collecting
Into days, transforming into
A month, then season,
Then finally a year.
I’m watching it all pass,
I wanted to do Something,
But the tiredness lasts
Longer than the hours
Spent tossing in bed.
I get up at 2pm,
And do nothing.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

NaNoWriMo – ‘Mort Per Annum’

I got a little over a thousand words today, not bad considering I was out and about and not at all focused. I was pleasantly surprised with my writing for my stand alone poems, but slacked today on the epic. It was hard to choose which one to post, and in fact I may post one of the other poems I wrote tomorrow because I enjoyed it so much. The finished poems I’ve got are all rather dark in nature, but I hope you enjoy them regardless. Hopefully, I’ll get it out of my system and write some more lighthearted pieces as I go on. I had a hell of a time naming this one, so I did something a little different..

 

‘Mort Per Annum’

It’s about that time of year
When I find myself standing in front of the mirror
With my fingers, my thoughts too muddled
At the still dark and bruised morning,
Only four a.m., it always begins at three or four a.m. –

Fighting my hair which I left uncut for too long
Trying to tie it back, pin it back, make it get along.
A brief walk is all I need, but first I’ve got to fight truth
In the knots I pull out of my hair and the knots
I tie into my heavy graveyard boots.

Get to work, try to work while I can,
Every minute is wasted trying to do the little things
Before it all catches up to me, that thing with the
The lack of sleep, or nothing but sleep,
A semi-constant sticky seeping darkness

That lingers at the back of my throat,
Or sits awkward in my chest on the heart
For most of the year, ready and waiting,
It tastes not unlike fear, but sweeter
In its sickness – I’ve got to get ready to die.

I’ve got to be more ready than anything
For the next three months or four months.
I only get to be living for just a quarter
Of every year. What would you call me?
What could you call me?

 

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Word of the Day – Plausible – ‘Late Nights’

Sorry it’s been such a long time since I posted anything. Life recently has been hectic. Between a housemate going AWOL and my great grandma passing away everything has been a little difficult. I’m going to queue up a handful of pieces tonight.
Today’s was an old word of the day I never got around to posting. Plausible is an adjective which describes something that is appearing worthy of belief or superficially fair, reasonable, or valuable but often specious. 

‘Late Nights’

It’s all these late nights.
I can’t sleep, it’s a problem.
Dizzy exhaustion, can I drown myself
In words- a book filled with a world
I cannot dream.

It’s plausible that I have a problem,
Something to do with the lack of ability
To sleep or stay asleep, my eyes can close
But cannot find the place where dreams go.
My eyes burn.

How long can I go without sleep?
All these late nights are slowing me down.
I don’t know what I’m seeing or reading,
An entire world goes on around me, but
I cannot see it.

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.

Word of the Day – Fester – ‘For Your Consideration’

So today’s word of the day is fester, to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration or putrefy/ rot. I had a little fun with this – mainly because for me it’s in the very early morning hours, and I’m still awake though I have work later today. I’m just sleepless, so I’ve taken the opportunity to type up and edit some pieces that I’ve had lying around.

 

‘For Your Consideration’

Consider this: I’m tired.
Don’t worry, I’m always tired-
Which doesn’t leave much for you to consider,
So consider this: I’m tired and for a good reason.

It’s not the lazy sort of tired,
The ‘I have energy to live and work,
But I’d rather play video games today’ sort
Or the ‘I drank cold brew coffee at 2 am again’ kind.

I’m tired and I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t done anything to be tired, really,
I swear, I woke up not an hour or two ago, yet
It seems to have been a very long few hours, I feel.

None of this new, no worries, truly,
I’ve gotten use to festering in a mild amount of despair,
Waking up every day tired. There’s nothing to really consider.
I just wanted to see if there was someone out there.

 

Oh! The ebook of Moth-Like. is officially on Amazon as of.. Wednesday? I think was when it was accepted. You can find it here. It did end up being a little more expensive than planed. It’s $6.48. Weird price (as in not rounded up or ending in .99), I just like all those numbers and it ended up being… a bit thicker in page numbers than expected. I was aiming for 60-80, it came out to a little over 100. In a week or two I’m planning on having the paperback up. It’s taking longer than expected because formatting is.. fun. Also, I have to order proofs to make sure it doesn’t come out janky. I’m probably going to be adding links to it at the end of my posts so that I promote it, but not in an obnoxious way. I don’t want people to be bombarded by it, so I’m putting it somewhere that’s easy to scroll past or ignore. I might make a post about it and any upcoming books and keep that in an about me area (which I haven’t done yet…. whoops), but that’s in the future.

Word of the Day – Extramental – ‘Beyond Me’

So I looked at Merriam-Webster’s word of the day was Sericeous, which means ‘covered with fine silky hair’ and I honestly couldn’t think of anything. So instead I download a word of the day app on my phone and got Extramental, ‘which means existing outside the mind’ – something I could work with easily. I’ll probably be jumping back and forth between the two applications/sites so I have an option. Who knows, maybe some days I’ll use both. These words are to inspire, of course, I don’t have to use them, per say, in the poem. They just have to reference or define the word in a more creative way.

Enough with that. Today’s word was Extramental, and I have a story to tell.

‘Beyond Me’

I tried, as we all try
At somepoint at the very least
To control everything perfectly
Beyond me.

What I eat. When I eat.
The time I wake up
The time I sleep.
All simple, simple
Controllable things.

But if, say, my neighbor
Who lives two stories above me
Were somehow to not hear,
Were somehow not home to hear,
Were somehow incapable of caring to hear
Their little red sports car
Start screaming at 2am and continue
It’s naturally mindless rage
For a solid hour and a half,
Well.
I must accept that the reason ‘why’
And ‘how’ are beyond me,
Beyond my understanding-
And though murder might not be,
It is considered highly impolite.

Shadow of May – Day Seventeen – ‘Living for the Littlest Things’

Just found out I’m missing this years Divine Poetry challenge, damn. I love that challenge.. But the month is over half way gone, there’s little chance I’d catch up. Anyway, today’s Shadow of May question is: How do I feel about death? (True story btw).

 

‘Living for the Littlest Things’

One time I dreamed that I died-
A heart attack while I slept,
It was unsurprising, it’d happen
Eventually, I’d always been sure.
My heart is the weakest thing about me.

I remember half-consciously worrying
As pain spiked in my chest, body numbing,
I slowed unspeakably down, I slowed so deeply
A blink was five minutes long, but I worried
Only for the handmade book I promised my sister.

I promised her a book for her birthday;
It was already almost three months late
And only half finished – I was so ashamed
That I was letting her down, I’d promised
Two-hundred fifty pages, front to cover.

It was only for her eyes! All the poems I’d refused
To share, all the little bits of life I didn’t ever want
To live or forget, the little sorrows and the little dreams.
All I dreamed of was lying in bed, thinking, while my heart stopped,
How much she’d hate me for leaving her a half-finished book.