Word of the Day – Diminution – ‘Slipping Away’

Good evening/morning! Today’s word of the day is diminutionthe act, process, or an instance of becoming gradually less (as in size or importance). I’ve been writing on and off these last few days, but haven’t gotten anything worth sharing really. I realize it’s been a few days since I’ve posted so I’m going to go ahead and post this. I feel some parts aren’t as polished and clear as I’d like.

 

‘Slipping Away’

I’m getting that feeling you get
When you begin slipping away
To a place that’s not real, to nonexistence.
I doubt anyone would notice my far off gaze
A smile covers up most things these days
That might seem worrisome in my eyes.

It’s a day, it’s just another day
And I can’t feel my hands or arms, yet
I know I’m gripping onto everything I can.
My hands are flexing and I have pressed my nails
Into my palms leaving all these little dents.
I’m loosing it, regardless, I’m losing it all again.

I’ve got scares like a lovers words
Casually whispered into my thighs and sides.
Gentle, I was never so gentle as to try to love
This body or mind of mine, and it’s begun fraying.
My whole world is fraying, slowly becoming undone,
Starting with these hands and arms – I feel nothing.

I doubt anyone would notice, this slow diminution,
Look away, look away, walk on by after you say ‘hey.’
I want to look strong when I am weak, broken by
This attempt to exist seamlessly. – Tell me, I’m feeling
Something, but, am I still here enough to see or feel?
Can you, Can anybody catch me when I slip away for good?

 

On a brighter note, Moth-Like. is officially published in both eBook and paper book form on amazon. If you want to look at it click here for the eBook, and here for the paperback. The eBook price is now set as $5.99, the physical price is $8.99. I’m pretty proud of the job I did with the typography! It took awhile to figure out, but I managed it. I was given a bit of trouble with the cover of the paperback and I might change it… for some reason covercreate on KDP is being frisky and won’t up the resolution on text.

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Word of the Day – Fester – ‘For Your Consideration’

So today’s word of the day is fester, to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration or putrefy/ rot. I had a little fun with this – mainly because for me it’s in the very early morning hours, and I’m still awake though I have work later today. I’m just sleepless, so I’ve taken the opportunity to type up and edit some pieces that I’ve had lying around.

 

‘For Your Consideration’

Consider this: I’m tired.
Don’t worry, I’m always tired-
Which doesn’t leave much for you to consider,
So consider this: I’m tired and for a good reason.

It’s not the lazy sort of tired,
The ‘I have energy to live and work,
But I’d rather play video games today’ sort
Or the ‘I drank cold brew coffee at 2 am again’ kind.

I’m tired and I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t done anything to be tired, really,
I swear, I woke up not an hour or two ago, yet
It seems to have been a very long few hours, I feel.

None of this new, no worries, truly,
I’ve gotten use to festering in a mild amount of despair,
Waking up every day tired. There’s nothing to really consider.
I just wanted to see if there was someone out there.

 

Oh! The ebook of Moth-Like. is officially on Amazon as of.. Wednesday? I think was when it was accepted. You can find it here. It did end up being a little more expensive than planed. It’s $6.48. Weird price (as in not rounded up or ending in .99), I just like all those numbers and it ended up being… a bit thicker in page numbers than expected. I was aiming for 60-80, it came out to a little over 100. In a week or two I’m planning on having the paperback up. It’s taking longer than expected because formatting is.. fun. Also, I have to order proofs to make sure it doesn’t come out janky. I’m probably going to be adding links to it at the end of my posts so that I promote it, but not in an obnoxious way. I don’t want people to be bombarded by it, so I’m putting it somewhere that’s easy to scroll past or ignore. I might make a post about it and any upcoming books and keep that in an about me area (which I haven’t done yet…. whoops), but that’s in the future.

Word of the Day – Gauche – ‘Teach Me’

The word of the day poem today was actually yesterday’s – July 21st’s – but due to heat exhaustion from work I went straight to bed when I got home. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow I’m working 12-15 hour shifts depending on how the day progresses. The downside is I’m outside working in a heat index of 108 and high humidity. I was able to write this in some down time in the early hours, but the rest of the day just about killed me.

Yesterday’s word of the day was Gauchelacking social experience or grace or not tactful. This piece still feels a little rough so I’ll probably make some changes. Maybe.

 

“Teach Me”

Tell how gauche I am-
Awkward, I’m so terribly awkward
And nobody quite understands or cares
So teach me, please, your proper socialization.

I’m intelligent, you’ve told me
But that won’t make a quick buck.
I need to learn how to beg,
And know when to shut up.

So teach me how to smile more,
And teach me how to beg for money.
Ask for the rich’s little change while maintaining
A proper polite, pleasant, caring poor facade.

Why can’t I just drink and chat,
A cocktail party isn’t the place to get
A little playfully anti-capitalist.
Let’s talk about the weather-

Or school, but nothing really,
Nothing remotely close to getting deep.
I’m here to be the pretty face,
Nod, smile, settle into a better place.

I’m a gauche sort of person, I know,
I look good enough, but lack all the tack-
So you’ve told me time and time again.
So now tell me, what do you have to teach?

After tomorrow I get three days off. Moth-Like. is coming along nicely, but the last two days I haven’t able to make any progress due to work. After I get some rest I’m going to be focusing on completely it.

Word of the Day – Crucible – ‘Slam Your Door’

Today’s word of the day is crucible, or a sever test. I had a little trouble naming this one, I considered naming it ‘Test of Time and Love’ but it didn’t feel quite right… I might write a poem with that title, but I feel like it would be a little lighter or maybe upbeat.

 

‘Slam Your Door’

I thought it was all a test
Of love, they said give it patience
And more love, I tried, but
I failed.

It was good, while it was good.
You loved words
I loved words.
We talked often enough, but
You think we would’ve talked more,
Enough to avoid this.
There should have been more songs
We could sing happily together.

But in time,
Very little time,
Just a matter of time,
Every doubt I voiced became your anger,
Every disappoint I placed turned into
Another slammed door left behind,
Left in your withering wake.

The house is breaking,
I thought it was all a test of love,
And patience. Everyone said to give it time,
So I gave all my time to waiting and worrying.
I pleaded in silence while you screamed in defiance.
This house, our home now house,
Is breaking apart around us,
The dishes are shaking from the the counters,
To the sink, on to the floor.

You refuse to meet my eyes or speak,
Declared, at some point,
We won’t talk if I can’t be civil.
I’ve become immoral because my love is weak.
Once, I spoke words in doubt towards your actions,
Shameful, I am so shameful you asserted-
Why can’t I ever simple trust
That you know what is for the best of us.

I thought it was suppose to be a test-
But I can’t give it anymore time
Or anymore of my patience and love.
You think we’d love enough to not fight
About the worthiness of my words.
I agree I am weak, forgive me, so please,
Slam your doors, Baby, this house isn’t mine.
Slam your doors, you can now brake
The house completely this time.
Just add what’s left of the dishes
To the floor.

 

Book Update below:

Moth-Like. (the book I’m publishing) is coming along nicely. The eBook format is almost complete and should appear on Amazon sometime next week for about $4, maybe a few cents more. The physical edition of the book might take a little longer as I have to reformat it and then order a few test prints to make sure it looks right. I’m shooting for early August and it’ll be about $6 to $8. There will be no difference between the digital and physical editions other than the typography – having flexible text is really important in eBooks, which limits a lot of what I can do.