NaNoWriMo – ‘Scrimshank’

It’s been a good day. It was raining when I got off work this morning,and after a quick unexpected nap I hung out with a friend. We mostly got coffee and prepped for an upcoming Starfinder campaign that’ll be starting sometime in December. It also helps my mood, but not my wallet, that I bought two books I didn’t need.

Today’s poem is actually a fun little piece I wrote using today’s word of the day as a jumping point. To scrimshank is to avoid one’s obligations or share of work – aka, to shirk duties.

 

‘Scrimshank’

In my defense,
It’s raining and on a rainy day
You sleep, most naturally.
I understand I made promises.
There are many things to do:
Laundry, paperwork, the bills,
Some writing, some more writing,
A picture I promised you I’d draw.

I’ve got a two lives worth of work
Sitting impatiently on my desk daring me
To choose my bed and its cheap comfort.
Well, an untested virtue is no virtue,
So I’ll have you know – I would never
Find or be chosen by the Holy Grail.
Life can wait another day, it’s raining-
And I’ve got a date in my dreams.

 

If you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

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Word of the Day – Depredate – ‘Noon Time Sun’

Today’s word of the day is depredate, a verb signifying to lay waste, plunder, or ravage. It’s been a very interesting and trying summer. I hope everyone else’s was much calmer and relaxing.

‘Noon Time Sun’

I know a woman who loves with spite-
Immoral all the decisions she does not make,
Hateful all the people she does not love.

She’s the noon time sun, and she’ll depredate
Everything left out under her eyes, her eyes which
Will blind you if you ever try to meet her head on.

It’s been a hellish summer like every other,
But this time it’s also something different, something
Inane that’s begun to drive me mad with regret.

I know a woman who takes no criticism,
But agrees she can be petty after she slams
All the doors leading in and within our little apartment.

Everything bakes beneath her flares of rage – it’s petty,
Yes. she knows it’s petty, all those rages from the cup on the counter
Left out by herself, but she forgot so it’s mine, always mine, again.

 

If  you like my writing please check out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here.

Word of the Day – Splenetic – ‘Tuck Me In’

Classes have started back up so work is a little crazy. We got an unexpected 1,300 students for dinner alone these last three days and lets just say the cafeteria’s stock of food is running a bit low.

Today’s Word of the Day is Splenetic, as in something marked by a bad temper, malevolence, or spite.

 

‘Tuck Me In’

Tuck me in bed with all these
Ill formed thoughts and invisible diseases.
My heart can’t take it, I can’t
Take it – It strains me, I am tense,
A kettle steaming and pushing out huffs
Before it begins to scream.

I don’t look sick enough to act this sick,
Though you can hear my legs creak like rusty
Door hinges, a high pitched rumble and screech
Where there’s simply not enough love, apparently,
To oil them into an easy, active life.
If drink a bit more water I’ll be well.

It’s cute, I’m cute, I’ve been told
How my body breaking down under me
Is something for them to protect me from, yet
Their self-projected empathy finds it inconvenient
When they want to go out to play and my body,
My mind can’t go out and play with them.

I’m a broken playground swing, and it’s precious
The memories people imagine and re-imagine of me,
Years ago before it all started to go to hell.
I’m a child indefinitely, except when they want me to be
Something more wholesome and together and.. less sick.
So let’s tuck me in bed, again, and tell me to get well.

 

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99.

Word of the Day – Serendipity – ‘Serendipity’

I couldn’t think of a better title for this poem other than the word I jumped off to write it. Serendipity is the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.

‘Serendipity’

Let’s love again for a moment or two-
Feel a little less fear, a little more ravenous.
Come out and into the rain, leave it all behind,
Again. Step off the porch, learn to not hide,
Learn to look that summer storm in the eyes.

Find a little serendipity, or if not, or if you can’t-
Let it find you with those hands shaking, heart breaking.
Find a tiny bit of bliss somewhere behind all your tears,
Tilt your head back and feel the rain drop past your ears.
I love you. I loved you. And I loved you more, once, I know.

What seems like yesterday was years ago,
You were a sweet rose tea – sweet, sweet serendipity.
I couldn’t love you enough in the past it seems,
But I could be happy if you could find happiness.
Good day. Good night. Goodbye, I pray,
Be happy and live a little more in the rain.

If you’re bored and like my writing try checking out my book Moth-Like.. It can be bought on Amazon here for $8.99. This is a piece that will be a cornerstone in my possible next book Roses.

Word of the Day – Schadenfreude – ‘Bad House-Mate’

Today’s word of the day is schadenfreude, a German word that’s slowly being adopted into English. A schadenfreude is a person who enjoys the troubles others face. It’s like malicious joy. Schaden is the German word for harm or damage, and freude the word for pleasure.

 

‘Bad House-Mate’

It wasn’t that you refused to clean,
You were born, obviously, in a more pristine
Environment than us, the unfortunate
People who’s parents didn’t make enough,
Or raise us right instead of beating us with a belt.

It wasn’t that your rent was turned in late,
Always late and magically never given in full.
We always seemed to make enough to cover your mistakes:
Too much spent shopping, that trip to Miami, dinner
With more important, richer friends at the latest place.

It wasn’t that we always paid for the groceries,
Paid for the Internet, paid for new dishes and silverware,
Furniture we needed, you know so we knew too, we needed
Everything you said would make us seem a little more decent.
What if one of your friends, our friends, were to come over?

It also wasn’t that you demanded we give you respect
Freely, yet for us we needed to prove ourselves first in
Your precious baby blue eyes, whose to say our past doesn’t
Still haunt us – what if we had itchy fingers and a case of laziness.
You always needed to make sure we knew how to work.

Again, it wasn’t that you refuse to listen or learn
Even when you asked to be taught – look, i understand,
Learning to balance a checkbook or load the dishwasher is something
Very unsophisticated, but it needs to be done. The intricate details
Of self-sufficiency are many and hard to remember, I know.

We know, you never considered yourself to be the bad house-mate,
Never locking the door, but proudly boasting that you carried the key.
Money was your security growing up, can’t we see? With that only our
Messes mattered. Only our responsibilities, our downfalls, our less than yours
And less than respectable upbringing. It’s hard to live with us I know.

But it was never necessarily the things you did which pilled up
Piece by piece like the dirty laundry that spread all over your floor.
It wasn’t always the things you did to us when you expected us to do more.
It was the way, and why, and how you chose to live with us like a punishment,
Like a chore unless we did everything for you only to have you demand praise.

 

If you like my writing you should check out my book Moth-Like.! It’s available on Amazon in multiple countries!

Word of the Day – Arbitrary – ‘Sink into Them’

Today’s word of the day is Arbitrarybased on or determined by individual preference or convenience rather than by necessity or the intrinsic nature of something or depending on individual discretion (as of a judge) and not fixed by law. I enjoyed writing this one. I feel like I’m missing a stanza toward the end, but at the moment I have nothing to add tonight. Maybe later.

‘Sink Into Them’

All these words of mine are just arbitrary,
Sink into them, the lists of little things I’ve lived,
Lists of the life and things I dared to try.

All these words basking lightly on my tongue-
Let me show you the dictionary they’ve grown to become in my heart,
Just fistfuls of sounds strung together about this normal enough life.

No real definitions, no solid order, no set pronunciation guidelines-
Just lists of words: all the colors and shapes, adjectives and nouns,
Phrases and memories that dot my book from imaginative cover to cover.

I welcome you to my words, erratic all my terribly comforting words,
Our words. Happy, sad, chaotic, black, blue, green, regardless-
Let’s live with words on tongue together, separate, and unreasonable.

If you like my poetry try checking out my book Moth-Like.! I just published the paperback and eBook at the beginning of this month!

Word of the Day – Diminution – ‘Slipping Away’

Good evening/morning! Today’s word of the day is diminutionthe act, process, or an instance of becoming gradually less (as in size or importance). I’ve been writing on and off these last few days, but haven’t gotten anything worth sharing really. I realize it’s been a few days since I’ve posted so I’m going to go ahead and post this. I feel some parts aren’t as polished and clear as I’d like.

 

‘Slipping Away’

I’m getting that feeling you get
When you begin slipping away
To a place that’s not real, to nonexistence.
I doubt anyone would notice my far off gaze
A smile covers up most things these days
That might seem worrisome in my eyes.

It’s a day, it’s just another day
And I can’t feel my hands or arms, yet
I know I’m gripping onto everything I can.
My hands are flexing and I have pressed my nails
Into my palms leaving all these little dents.
I’m loosing it, regardless, I’m losing it all again.

I’ve got scares like a lovers words
Casually whispered into my thighs and sides.
Gentle, I was never so gentle as to try to love
This body or mind of mine, and it’s begun fraying.
My whole world is fraying, slowly becoming undone,
Starting with these hands and arms – I feel nothing.

I doubt anyone would notice, this slow diminution,
Look away, look away, walk on by after you say ‘hey.’
I want to look strong when I am weak, broken by
This attempt to exist seamlessly. – Tell me, I’m feeling
Something, but, am I still here enough to see or feel?
Can you, Can anybody catch me when I slip away for good?

 

On a brighter note, Moth-Like. is officially published in both eBook and paper book form on amazon. If you want to look at it click here for the eBook, and here for the paperback. The eBook price is now set as $5.99, the physical price is $8.99. I’m pretty proud of the job I did with the typography! It took awhile to figure out, but I managed it. I was given a bit of trouble with the cover of the paperback and I might change it… for some reason covercreate on KDP is being frisky and won’t up the resolution on text.

Word of the Day – Fester – ‘For Your Consideration’

So today’s word of the day is fester, to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration or putrefy/ rot. I had a little fun with this – mainly because for me it’s in the very early morning hours, and I’m still awake though I have work later today. I’m just sleepless, so I’ve taken the opportunity to type up and edit some pieces that I’ve had lying around.

 

‘For Your Consideration’

Consider this: I’m tired.
Don’t worry, I’m always tired-
Which doesn’t leave much for you to consider,
So consider this: I’m tired and for a good reason.

It’s not the lazy sort of tired,
The ‘I have energy to live and work,
But I’d rather play video games today’ sort
Or the ‘I drank cold brew coffee at 2 am again’ kind.

I’m tired and I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t done anything to be tired, really,
I swear, I woke up not an hour or two ago, yet
It seems to have been a very long few hours, I feel.

None of this new, no worries, truly,
I’ve gotten use to festering in a mild amount of despair,
Waking up every day tired. There’s nothing to really consider.
I just wanted to see if there was someone out there.

 

Oh! The ebook of Moth-Like. is officially on Amazon as of.. Wednesday? I think was when it was accepted. You can find it here. It did end up being a little more expensive than planed. It’s $6.48. Weird price (as in not rounded up or ending in .99), I just like all those numbers and it ended up being… a bit thicker in page numbers than expected. I was aiming for 60-80, it came out to a little over 100. In a week or two I’m planning on having the paperback up. It’s taking longer than expected because formatting is.. fun. Also, I have to order proofs to make sure it doesn’t come out janky. I’m probably going to be adding links to it at the end of my posts so that I promote it, but not in an obnoxious way. I don’t want people to be bombarded by it, so I’m putting it somewhere that’s easy to scroll past or ignore. I might make a post about it and any upcoming books and keep that in an about me area (which I haven’t done yet…. whoops), but that’s in the future.

Word of the Day – Gauche – ‘Teach Me’

The word of the day poem today was actually yesterday’s – July 21st’s – but due to heat exhaustion from work I went straight to bed when I got home. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow I’m working 12-15 hour shifts depending on how the day progresses. The downside is I’m outside working in a heat index of 108 and high humidity. I was able to write this in some down time in the early hours, but the rest of the day just about killed me.

Yesterday’s word of the day was Gauchelacking social experience or grace or not tactful. This piece still feels a little rough so I’ll probably make some changes. Maybe.

 

“Teach Me”

Tell how gauche I am-
Awkward, I’m so terribly awkward
And nobody quite understands or cares
So teach me, please, your proper socialization.

I’m intelligent, you’ve told me
But that won’t make a quick buck.
I need to learn how to beg,
And know when to shut up.

So teach me how to smile more,
And teach me how to beg for money.
Ask for the rich’s little change while maintaining
A proper polite, pleasant, caring poor facade.

Why can’t I just drink and chat,
A cocktail party isn’t the place to get
A little playfully anti-capitalist.
Let’s talk about the weather-

Or school, but nothing really,
Nothing remotely close to getting deep.
I’m here to be the pretty face,
Nod, smile, settle into a better place.

I’m a gauche sort of person, I know,
I look good enough, but lack all the tack-
So you’ve told me time and time again.
So now tell me, what do you have to teach?

After tomorrow I get three days off. Moth-Like. is coming along nicely, but the last two days I haven’t able to make any progress due to work. After I get some rest I’m going to be focusing on completely it.

Word of the Day – Crucible – ‘Slam Your Door’

Today’s word of the day is crucible, or a sever test. I had a little trouble naming this one, I considered naming it ‘Test of Time and Love’ but it didn’t feel quite right… I might write a poem with that title, but I feel like it would be a little lighter or maybe upbeat.

 

‘Slam Your Door’

I thought it was all a test
Of love, they said give it patience
And more love, I tried, but
I failed.

It was good, while it was good.
You loved words
I loved words.
We talked often enough, but
You think we would’ve talked more,
Enough to avoid this.
There should have been more songs
We could sing happily together.

But in time,
Very little time,
Just a matter of time,
Every doubt I voiced became your anger,
Every disappoint I placed turned into
Another slammed door left behind,
Left in your withering wake.

The house is breaking,
I thought it was all a test of love,
And patience. Everyone said to give it time,
So I gave all my time to waiting and worrying.
I pleaded in silence while you screamed in defiance.
This house, our home now house,
Is breaking apart around us,
The dishes are shaking from the the counters,
To the sink, on to the floor.

You refuse to meet my eyes or speak,
Declared, at some point,
We won’t talk if I can’t be civil.
I’ve become immoral because my love is weak.
Once, I spoke words in doubt towards your actions,
Shameful, I am so shameful you asserted-
Why can’t I ever simple trust
That you know what is for the best of us.

I thought it was suppose to be a test-
But I can’t give it anymore time
Or anymore of my patience and love.
You think we’d love enough to not fight
About the worthiness of my words.
I agree I am weak, forgive me, so please,
Slam your doors, Baby, this house isn’t mine.
Slam your doors, you can now brake
The house completely this time.
Just add what’s left of the dishes
To the floor.

 

Book Update below:

Moth-Like. (the book I’m publishing) is coming along nicely. The eBook format is almost complete and should appear on Amazon sometime next week for about $4, maybe a few cents more. The physical edition of the book might take a little longer as I have to reformat it and then order a few test prints to make sure it looks right. I’m shooting for early August and it’ll be about $6 to $8. There will be no difference between the digital and physical editions other than the typography – having flexible text is really important in eBooks, which limits a lot of what I can do.